^
Keep New Times Free
4

Don't Worry, Miami, It Only Looks Like The Mayan Apocalypse Outside

Miami awoke this morning to howling winds, eerie, greenish sunlight and skidding clouds, and suddenly remembered, "Oh yeah, today is the Apocalypse, isn't it?" Then we chugged some whiskey, grabbed our End Times shotguns, logged on for one last Facebook update ... and woah, hey, the rest of the world is reporting that the Mayans were actually full of crap.

Turns out it just looks like Armageddon in Miami this morning. Blame a wicked cold front that's ushering in an honest-to-god freeze watch tonight. Which, for most Miamians, may as well be the Apocalypse.

Perhaps what that Mayan calendar really meant is "Dec. 21, 2012 will be a truly crappy day in Miami." Great prediction, guys!

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Forecasters are calling for winds gusting up to 25 mph all day as that arctic front spirals southward. By tonight, temperatures should dip into the 40s, but a wind chill will leave Dade and Broward feeling like the 30s. The freeze warning stays in effect into Saturday morning.

As for that Mayan Apocalypse, hasn't happened. To be fair, they didn't specify what time of day the fiery hellscape will descend upon Earth, so maybe we have to wait until midnight to be sure?

"Wait until the dawn on the 22nd; that is when we Maya will speak," says Nobel Peace Prize laureate and Guatemalan activist Rigoberta Menchu.

At the very least, you'll need to dig out your knit cap by then. Damn you, Mayans!

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.