No one wants to get anywhere near Donald Trump right now. His former aides and confidantes keep flipping to help the federal investigation into his campaign's Russia ties. He can't buy an attorney to defend him in the wake of the FBI's raid of Michael Cohen's office. Post-Stormy Daniels, even Melania keeps swatting his hands away.
Unfortunately, if you live in Miami, you'll have to put in a little extra effort to avoid the Orange One today. Even worse, you'll probably have to change your routine to miss the traffic-pocalypse the president will unleash after landing in South Florida and heading to Hialeah to talk up the deeply unpopular GOP tax cuts.
According to an official schedule the White House released last night, Trump is due to jet out of Washington on Air Force One at 9:50 a.m. today and touch down at Miami International Airport at 12:20 p.m. So stay far away from MIA anytime after noon unless you want to sit in miles of gridlock behind the presidential motorcade.
Trump will then head straight from MIA to Bucky Dent Park roughly 12 miles northwest in Hialeah. He's due to arrive after about a 15-minute drive. (It's amazing what a Secret Service detail can do for your travel time on Miami's highways.)
There's no official word on Trump's route, of course, but it will probably look something like this:
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At 12:45, Trump is scheduled to hold a roundtable discussion on "tax cuts for small Florida businesses," the White House says. Among the notable Republicans who will join most of Miami in running far away from Trump are Gov. Rick Scott and Reps. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Carlos Curbelo, all of whom will skip the roundtable, Politico reports.
Sen. Marco Rubio, who has never seen a national press pool in South Florida he didn't want a piece of, and #MAGA loyalist Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart will show up in Hialeah, Politico says. The event isn't open to the public.
Trump is due to leave Hialeah by 1:45 and head back to MIA for a 2:10 flight to Palm Beach International Airport, where Mar-a-Lago beckons.
So, in short, stay far, far away from the intersection of the Palmetto and Dolphin Expressways early this afternoon unless you want to check "spent five hours in unmoving traffic hell thanks to Trump" off your bucket list.