Dolphins Nail Steelers: "Ugh, so close." Playoff Hopes Still Alive.

That picture shows how close the Miami Dolphins came to one of the most epic losses in the franchise's history. One-third of an Antonio Brown foot from being Auburn'd right in the butt.

Instead, the Dolphins shook off about six demons with a gutsy win over the Pittsburgh Steelers in a snowy, back-and-forth game that was one of the more entertaining competitions on an absolutely bonkers NFL Sunday. What did the Dolphins do with that win?


- The Dolphins stay very much alive and in good position to try to secure the sixth playoff spot. Effectively ending Pittsburgh's season (HA-HA!), the Dolphins are just behind the Ravens, who hold the sixth spot after a ridiculous come-from-behind-win of their own. However, the Ravens still have to play Detroit, the Pats, and the Bengals, while the Dolphins will play the Pats, the Bills, and the Jets at home to end the season. Therefore, the Dolphins are in pretty good shape going into the last three weeks of football. Exciting stuff!

- The Fins somehow scored 34 points -- the first time this season the team has put up more than 27 points in any game.

- The Dolphins beat the Steelers for the first time since 1998 and for the first time in Pittsburgh since 1990.

- Before yesterday, the Dolphins had not scored an offensive touchdown in the fourth quarter for eight straight games.

- This is the first back-to-back win for the Dolphins since we started 3-0, the first time the Dolphins are above .500 since week 6, and the Dolphins are now 2-0 this December, a traditionally flatulent-filled month in recent Dolphins history.

As mentioned, it was a snow-filled event with six lead changes throughout the game. Things did not bode well early for the Fins: The Steelers game-planned well to take advantage of the snow as they cruised to an early 7-0 lead and -- making matters worse -- Fins QB Ryan Tannehill had never played in a game involving snow. Nonetheless, the Dolphins seemed to get better and ease into their game plan as the snowfall lightened.

Charles Clay was once again a huge factor, and his ample testicular fortitude was felt throughout Heinz Field and the surrounding suburbs of Pittsburgh with rumbling delight. Clay had seven catches for 98 yards and two touchdowns, including one where it seemed Troy Polamalu would bring him down short of a first down but instead Clay spun free for what proved to be the game-winning touchdown. Beyond kickass in every single way. Clay has come up big this year and earned his 'Big-Play Clay' moniker.

Also super-clutch yesterday? What? Does this read "DANIEL FUCKING THOMAS"? AKA "Duck Feet"? Yes, it does! DT, who was feared to be lost for the season due to an ankle injury, instead came in for a concussed Lamar Miller and ran for 105 completely crucial yards and a touchdown. Thomas had a 55-yard run to set up the Clay game-winner as the Dolphins amassed 181 yards on the ground and can suddenly run the ball when it matters most -- in December, in the cold. Heretofore, Daniel Thomas will be relieved of his "Feet" moniker (until he fucks up again and falls down after a yard or two or runs into his own offensive lineman). "MY NAME... IS DANIEL THOMAS!" (cocks shotgun)

The Dolphins defense also held strong when it mattered, shutting Ben Roethlisberger's notorious comeback bullshit down on two drives with less than three minutes left to play. Final kudos also go to Brian Hartline, whose nimble toes helped haul in a game-changing touchdown and caused Miami New Times' own Ryan Yousefi to give him the name of "MEOWGATRON" due to his simultaneous receiving acumen and feline fastidiousness!

Finally, as usual, Twitter completely exploded after Brown's foot was ruled out and the Cardiac Dolphins pulled out the close win.

The Dolphins now stay in the playoffs hunt and will face the hated Patriots (winner of their own crazy-as-hell game) next Sunday at Sun Life Stadium. Be there, be loud, and be angry. Time to give the Patriots what they fuckin' deserve.

"Meowgatron" photo editing by Dolfan565

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Roger Paul