Dolphins Disintegrate Into Fine Dust Against Bucs 22-19


The Dolphins were poised to have some awesome 'The Natural' moment after 11 days of bullying accusations, litigation, he-said-she-said and lots of 'splaining by Philbin, Tannehill, Incognito, Ross (no Ireland, though!). Instead, the team did that typical Dolphins thing where they had a lead late in the game and then proceeded to vomit/shart/bleed all over the sheets. IT'S OUR TIME!

Yes, the Bucs scored a late touchdown after the Dolphins had been up 19-15 and then suddenly every Dolphins front office member, coach, player, and fan was left to ask 'WELL, NOW WHAT DO WE DO?'

If maybe that video doesn't encapsulate what it's like to be associated with the Dolphins, maybe this will?

Yes, the Dolphins were another laughable bonafide tragedy last night. The only thing that didn't happen for them to embarass themselves further is that no one took their pants off on the 50 yard line. Nor did anyone on the Dolphins negate Evolution, the moon landing or the Kennedy Assassination. Otherwise, it was total and umitigated failure on a night when the Dolphins NEEDED to win.

Play Calling? Obscenely imbalanced with 42 passing plays called compared to 14 running plays.

The yardage gained on those few runs? The Dolphins gained 2 WHOLE FUCKING RUSHING YARDS ALL NIGHT, an amazing clip that Peter North the lowest total ever in all of the 728 games the Dolphins franchise has played. Historically vomitorious!

The offensive line? Meh. Pretty good. Oh, until the Dolphins were down by 3 with 2 min to go (after some curious Philbin decisions including going for 2 early for NO FUCKING REASON) upon which the entire line collectively hid their heads inside of their asses as they yielded 2 drive-killing sacks.

Mike Wallace? You might as well have hired a children's party clown to line up for him.

Phillip Wheeler? Like Cyclops from the X-Men if only Cyclops shot HOT DIARRHEA out of his eyes instead of a powerful energy plasma beam.

Rishard Matthews? Apparently a fucking BALLER sitting on the sidelines like some of Bob Dylan's best songs!

If this isn't the end of Ireland/Philbin, they have the most lurid, image-damaging information available on Steve Ross. The entire night Philbin stood on the sidelines - mouth agape as if he was processing information via the oxygen he sucks in - and there was seemingly no sign of life, desire or interest from the Dolphins to win this game despite a season that still had promise.

No, Philbin just stood there and there was one tweet that perfectly summarized him in full:

Is there anything left for the Dolphins to do but clean house? This week, the team played circus music in the locker room as reporters streamed in to question teammates on the Incognito-Martin saga. Meanwhile, Dolphins fans are left to the same music they've been playing for most of the past 11 seasons.

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