Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.
His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it must be his manager's fault.
Loria's front office leaked his fury all over the Miami Herald this morning, making it very clear Fredi Gonzalez's job is in danger. "We set out each year to make the playoffs and we didn't make it this year, which is something we wanted to do," Marlins president David Samson tells the Herald.
Dear Jeffrey Loria: You are a world-class moron.
Remember when you did this same thing three years ago? Your manager -- some guy named Joe Girardi -- did such a good job keeping the underfunded Fish in contention that he won NL Manager of the Year.
But you got all pissy and canned him. If you haven't noticed, he's not doing too bad for himself running some franchise up North.
Guess what? Now you have Fredi Gonzalez -- the best manager in Major League Baseball. Yeah, we said it. And we've got the mathematics to prove it.
In a sport with such a huge gap between the haves and have-nots (the left side of Girardi's infield makes more than the Marlins' whole roster, for instance), there's one simple way to grade out how much owners are getting for their money.
Just take the team's total salary and divide it by the season's win total. Even Riptide's third-grade math skills are enough to figure out who's getting what for their cash.
If you don't think Fredi is an outstanding manager, just check out out the numbers below. Loria spent -- by far -- the fewest dollars per win of any owner in Major League Baseball. Fredi Gonzalez, in other words, eked out the most wins with the least resources in the game.
But hey, it must be Fredi's fault!
Before we get to the numbers, Riptide needs to take a moment of self-congratulations. In February, we wrote a season preview for the Marlins.
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We made a bold prediction: Despite top guides such as Baseball Prospectus putting the Fish in the cellar, we guessed they'd be decent, and picked their final record at 87-74. (We guessed there'd be at least one rainout that didn't get made up.)
Their final record? 87-75. Ahem. (Wiping dirt off our shoulder...)
OK, the numbers. Remember, this is the dollars in team salary spent per win this year:
1. Yankees, $1.955 million
2. Mets, $1.939 million
3. Cubs, $1.62 million
4. Astros, $1.391 million
5. Tigers, $1.33 million
6. Red Sox, $1.291 million
7. Indians, $1.265 million
8. White Sox, $1.216 million
9. Phillies, $1.215 million
10. Angels, $1.172 million
11. Braves, $1.124 million
12. Mariners, $1.116 million
13. Royals, $1.090 million
14. Blue Jays, $1.079 million
15. Dodgers, $1.057 million
16. D-Backs, $1.051 million
17. Orioles, $1.048 million
18. Nationals, $1.005 million
19. Cardinals, $972,835
20. Giants, $933,364
21. Brewers, $923,212
22. Reds, $909,846
23. Oakland, $830,800
24. Rockies, $817,402
25. Rangers, $789,034
26. Pirates, $786,177
27. Twins, $759,290
28. Rays, $753,726
29. Padres, $570,613
30. Marlins, $423,149