Cops Finally Get Us That Hummer Hit-and-Run Stick-Figure Drawing We Requested

How unalienable is a man's right to enjoy a delicious Frosty© without getting flattened by two and a half tons of AmericaMobile©?

Apparently, pretty freakin' alienable.

This week, Riptide brought you the story of the French professor who claimed he was walking across a Miami Wendy's parking lot when he was hit by a Hummer H3. The driver of the SUV fled the scene, Bob Michel said, and the cops didn't bother to pursue the guy. They caught up with him two months later and gave him a traffic ticket for "failing to report an accident resulting in injury." 

Penalty: $114.

The driver, Ricardo Farinas, told Riptide his SUV "never touched"

Michel and that the professor had changed his story after initially

waving Farinas off. The City of Miami Police were of no help in

providing relevant reports.

Until now. This morning, a Miami PD spokesman finally provided us with the police report written at the

scene. And it pretty much backs up everything Michel says. The

professor immediately told cops it was a hit-and-run:

"Pedestrian stated as he walked to his vehicle the [Hummer] was

speeding through the parking lot, and struck the pedestrian, then fled

east onto 79th Street."

Not to editorialize here, but... Really?

A guy really told cops it was a hit-and-run and cops made no effort to

catch the offender? Really?! And when they finally did catch up with

him 50 days later, they served him with a noncriminal infraction

and a fine that's less than your average speeding ticket? Really?

We were kind of hoping the professor was batshit crazy and had made up the whole thing. No such luck.

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Gus Garcia-Roberts