The Rich

A Posner Family Christmas Card, in Your New Times Next Week

Christmas in Miami just wouldn't feel right without an ode to the super-rich who set the pace for the rest of us. Like crazed, drunken fireflies they flit amongst us in their bling, buying Brittos and screaming about "shutting clubs down" when snubbed at the velvet rope.

So in honor of super-citizens like the late real estate tycoon Steven Posner, Riptide offers a sneak peak at our Posner family Christmas card. It's written by Conchita Posner, a chihuahua who wears $20,000 outfits. Need we say more?

La Familia Posner is not what it used to be, amigos. Now I'm

owner-less, surrounded by idiots who get paid millions to scoop my shit

but still can't do it right, and, to top it all off, some pinche cat

stole my ginger wig while I was passed out on Quaaludes last weekend.

Whoever took it, just remember: I'm Mexican. El Chapo Guzman's guard

dog is a friend of mine. Me entiendes?

The whole piñata started to break apart last winter....

Pick-up a copy next week to see the complete card in all its peurility.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.