Christmas in Miami just wouldn't feel right without an ode to the super-rich who set the pace for the rest of us. Like crazed, drunken fireflies they flit amongst us in their bling, buying Brittos and screaming about "shutting clubs down" when snubbed at the velvet rope.
So in honor of super-citizens like the late real estate tycoon Steven Posner, Riptide offers a sneak peak at our Posner family Christmas card. It's written by Conchita Posner, a chihuahua who wears $20,000 outfits. Need we say more?
La Familia Posner is not what it used to be, amigos. Now I'm
owner-less, surrounded by idiots who get paid millions to scoop my shit
but still can't do it right, and, to top it all off, some pinche cat
stole my ginger wig while I was passed out on Quaaludes last weekend.
Whoever took it, just remember: I'm Mexican. El Chapo Guzman's guard
dog is a friend of mine. Me entiendes?