X Factor Taping in Coral Gables, Plus Notes for Future Reality TV Drinking Game

​At the X Factor taping in Coral Gables yesterday, judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Antonio "L.A." Reid, and Nicole Scherzinger seemed in character. Simon's still unnecessarily mean, Paula's still unnecessarily nice, L.A. is still talking about producing something, and the Pussycat Doll is still very pussy-ish.

We wish we could tell you a little more about what happened at the BankUnited Center. But press wasn't allowed to take pics, vids, use contestant names, backstories, quotes, or give judge feedback.

Hmm ... So we can't really tell you anything. But read on 'cause we made up a drinking game for when the show finally hits the airwaves.

We can talk about the audience members. They yelled, "We love you Nicole." But it wasn't clear if that was impromptu idol worship or if it was encouraged by those sneaky TV folks. Select members from the crowd were able to show off their vocal "skills." Each got ten seconds to prove they had talent. Not a lot of time to give it your all, but for the pair of seven year olds we heard belt out a tune, it was probably a thrill.

The mysterious contestants onstage were a mixed bag, including an a cappella group that got the crowd in a tizzy, a ten-million-year-old man, a very odd dude whos related to the old guy, a young lady yanking on her skirt awkwardly, and a girl group that seemed to span several generations.

We are also allowed to write about how those goofy lil' judges interact. And we thought to ourselves, Who cares? Paula said to Simon, "You're still strange three years later." Hardy har har. Again, Who cares?

Since we can't say who or what or anything, we compiled a few random quotes from the judges. Please feel free to use this as a tool for a drinking game (if you're over 18, or 21 or something) when the show actually airs. It's easy ... Just slam a shot whenever you hear one of the following tired buzzlines uttered by an X Factor judge:

"That's a 'Welcome to Miami' opening!"

"I am the bomb."

"This is for tigers, baby."

"What happens if we do Lady Gaga."

"Sounds like Gilbert Gottfried singing."

"The good news is you're so young, you've got your whole lives ahead of you."

"It was excruciating."

"Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"You still like the puppy on your lap."

"Now we have to make you cool."

"Gotta work on that swag."

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Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.
Contact: Liz Tracy