But why not don a kandi mask, "Keep Calm and Rave On" muscle tee, and LED lifesaver in the middle of beat-freaking Biscayne Bay! All aboard the party boat!
Here are the ten best EDM cruises during WMC and MMW 2014.
See also: WMC and MMW 2014's 20 Best Parties
Found at Sea Yacht Cruise. With Danny Tenaglia, Joris Voorn, and Joseph Capriati. Wednesday, March 26, 3-9 p.m., aboard the Biscayne Lady, boarding from 401 Biscayne Blvd, Miami. Tickets cost $125 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Six hours of non-stop uhntz-uhntz from house legend Danny Tenaglia, Dutch party pro Joris Voorn, and Joseph "Il Capitano" Capriati? All with premium open bar? If you need us, we will be Found at Sea.
Island Sessions Sunset Yacht Party Cruise V. With Prok & Fitch, David Penn, Cube Guys, Audiowhores, Saeed Younan, Filthy Rich, My Digital Enemy, Etienne Ozborne, MC Spike Shurakano, Dude Skywalker, Kris Santiago, Holic, Tobtok, Funky Couture, Jay Millz, and Umber Bandi-Ville. Wednesday, March 26, 3-8 p.m., aboard the South Beach Lady, boarding from 400 SE 2nd Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $150-$2,500 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The world can't get enough of Miami's perfectly chiseled bodies, drop-dead looks, and Magic City swag. That's why the UK's Prok & Fitch, Italy's Cube Guys, Iraq's Saeed Younan, and even the MIA's own Dude Skywalker, just to name a few, can't wait for this EDM orgy aboard the South Beach Lady. And since we go hard in the 305, there will be an unlimited supply of Red Bull, water, and vodka to keep you hyped, hydrated, and faded till sunset.
See also: WMC and MMW 2014's Ten Best Pool Parties
Miami Departures White Yacht Party. With Myon & Shane 54, Roger Shah, and Heatbeat. Wednesday, March 26, 1-6 p.m., aboard the Musette, boarding from 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $69.99 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Though Myon & Shane 54 may think that we're all "nothing more than strangers passing by out on the street," we say these party boys are wrong. Truth is, there's no such thing as strangers, just future friends. So put on your white bikinis (they're mandatory, we promise) and party with your new mateys on the Musette.
Stereo Productions Yacht Party. With Chus & Ceballos, Patrick M, Sergio Fernandez, Rafa Barrios, and others. Thursday, March 27, 7 p.m.-12 a.m., aboard the Musette, boarding from 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets are sold out via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Climb aboard the Stereo Productions boat, folks. With Chus & Ceballos and friends manning the decks, it's gonna be Shangri-La at sea. "House heads of all races, creeds, and orientations are welcome." And the only rule is "come ready to party."
See also: WMC and MMW 2014: A 282-Party Guide
Last Night On Earth Sunset Cruise. With Sasha, Three, Hunter/Game, and others. Thursday, March 27, 3-9 p.m., aboard the Biscayne Lady, boarding from 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets are sold out via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. YOLO, right? Now go party as if it were your Last Night on Earth with dance masters Sasha, Three, and Hunter/Game. Who knows -- maybe you'll drift off to some otherworldly paradise in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle where every day is WMC.
tINI and the Gang Cruise. With tINI, Guti, Bill Patrick, Bella Sarris, Randall M, Chad Andrew, Fernando Costantini, and Vlada. Thursday, March 27, 3-9 p.m., aboard the South Beach Lady, boarding from 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. There's no need to go through some rough initiation rite just to "be part of Tini's gang." All you've gotta do is pay your way, climb aboard the boat, and rage as hard as the German BPM boss and the rest of her beat-freaking crew.
Dubfire vs. Seth Troxler's Battle Royale Sunrise Cruise. Friday, March 28, 6-11:30 a.m., aboard the Biscayne Lady, boarding at 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who will emerge victorious in this Battle Royale of beats at sea? Dubfire? Seth Troxler? Considering Dubfire is one half of legendary house duo Deep Dish and Seth Troxler scored a top-five spot on Resident Advisor's 2013 Top 100 DJ Poll, we hesitate to predict the outcome. All we know is the loser walks the plank.
Born Electric Cruise. With James Zabiela, Scuba, Tensnake, and others. Saturday, March 29, 3-9 p.m., aboard Biscayne Lady, boarding at 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Electricity and water don't go so well together. That's why goin' cruisin' can be a hassle when you're Born Electric like superstar jock and label boss James Zabiela. The pool and hot tub are definitely out of the question. And even champagne showers are iffy. Thankfully, though, the Biscayne Lady's DJ booth is fully rubberized. Party safe!
Cosmic Gate & Friends Miami Yatch Party. Saturday, March 29, 1-6 p.m., aboard the Musette, boarding from 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $77 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. "We're ready to be on a boat!" exclaim Cosmic Gate's Nic Chagall and DJ Bossi. But the German trance stars wonder, "Are you?" Prove your seaworthiness by snatching a boarding pass, rocking some water wings, and showing up to das boot on time. "Nein refunds," they warn, "for late arrivals!"
Mystery Sounds Evening Yacht Party. With Paul Van Dyk. Saturday, March 29, 7 p.m.-12 a.m., aboard the Musette, boarding from 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $99 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Oh, WMC and MMW, it's been real. To bid adieu, we're gonna sail across "The Ocean" one last time with Paul Van Dyk and throw a few final fist-pumps for all those wild nights that we'll never remember. Ahoy!
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