Other than a pack of middle-aged bikers and some die-hard boozers, Churchill's Pub was pretty empty early Thursday night during the pub's three-day long anniversary celebration. Granted, it was only about 9 p.m. and Little Haiti's loudest and loveliest 36-year-old shithole was just starting to get rowdy for a BUFU Records showcase. The Fort Laudy band Milkspot, was sending waves of intense energy through the place with some white guy booty shaking. Still, being the opening act sucks.
About an hour later, sleazy surf-punk rockers the Gun Hoes stirred up a healthy crowd of saucer-eyed females swaying and drooling in the warm stinky embrace of the dive, proving again that straight girls like dirty, hairy boys. Usually the band's sets incite a near riot on the dance floor, but at 10 p.m., Miami's usually just pouring its morning coffee.
Singer, guitarist, and songwriter Gabe Miranda was yelling quickly into the mic, eyes closed. To his left was the tallest member of the band, bassist Nico Toussaint, straight-faced and joining in on choruses. Behind them, a shirtless and violently furry Anthony Hernandez was sweating all over someone else's drum kit. When Miranda announced it was the last long, the crowd demanded another and even another, but were only granted one last tasty song nugget. The Gun Hoes left 'em wanting more.
Named 2014's Best Rock Band by our sister paper New Times Broward Palm Beach, the Gun Hoes have been heavily involved in just about every big, filthy rock show South Florida has put on for years now. They've opened for Trick Daddy and King Khan and soon will be breaking the ice in St. Augustine for crowd favorite Nobunny.
About two weeks back, the Gun Hoes premiered a crazy-weird video for "Costa Rica" — a song off the group's first Lolipop Records' LP Sex & Violins. It's directed by their good friend from the band Jellyfish Brothers and online Miami musicology series Audio Junkie, Eddy Alvarez, and Ron Gesualdo.
In the video, Alvarez and the three band members reenact scenes from The Deer Hunter and Human Centipede 2, while the Gun Hoes serve as punching bags.
"Eddy came up with the idea. At first, I thought that he wanted to do something different and quirky. Not long after we started filming, I realized he just wanted an excuse to slap us around," Hernandez says.
And smack them he does. The three are featured being abused by Alvarez in a few scenes.
"Gabe is seeking professional help," Hernandez jokes. "I have chosen denial and self-medication as a coping mechanism. Nico is talking to lawyers to see what action we can take."
Watch "Costa Rica" and actually feel the hair breaking through the skin on your chest.
Catch the Gun Hoes at the band's following upcoming datess.
Death to the Sun 5, September 19, at North Beach Bandshell, 7275 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Admission is free. Visit Facebook for more info.
September 26 at Miami's Endless Summer at Churchill's Pub, 5501 N.E. Second Ave., Miami. Admission is free.
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Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.