Pavo. Puerco. Pumpkin pie.
As residents of that fantastic land known as Miami, we are often accused of living in some foreign country where summer never ends. And yet, we give thanks for the bounty of the autumn harvest, just like the rest of y'all yanquis.
However, unlike most citizens of this great and glorious nation, 305ers don't cap off Thanksgiving festivities with sweat pants and a nap. We effing fiesta, all night long, till the break of dawn, on and on.
Now... Wipe that flour off your face. (Or is that cocaína?) Here are the party spots open and closed on this Thanksgiving Day in Miami.
See also: Miami's Best Thanksgiving 2014 Parties
Open for Turkey Day Shenanigans
Mac's Club Deuce 222 14th St., Miami Beach; 305-531-6200. As always, the Deuce's happy hour begins at the crack of dawn. Enjoy yourselves.
Story Nightclub 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. It's Thanksgiving and Cash Money Records co-founder Birdman's in a holiday mood. Last week, he handed out free turkeys to Miami families. And tonight, the Stunna and his Rich Gang's gonna up in the megaclub, hosting Turkey Day (and the official Young Thug concert afterparty) from 11 p.m. till 5 in the morning.
SET Nightclub 320 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 305-531-2800; setmiami.com. Who's DTF after dinner? Well, SET and its weekly party DTF Thursdays are definitely down. Go get into the gang bang if you aren't too sore and bloated from stuffing yourself all day.
Trade 1439 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; trademia.com. Throw down after dinner with Link Miami Rebels' Social Skills Thanksgiving Special. Expect all your friends, including DJs Danyelino, Hardline, Ms. Mada, and Thunderpony. The party starts at 11 p.m. and it doesn't end till tomorrow.
Do Not Sit on the Furniture 423 16th St., Miami Beach; 510-550-5067; facebook.com/DoNotSit. What do you call a Turkey Day with no rest? Donotsitgiving... And that's exactly what SoBe dance spot Do Not Sit on the Furniture is calling its holiday get-down. Go get the gravy outta your system from 11 p.m. till early mornin' with Diego Teran D, Puma Soul, and Harry Andrw.
Purdy Lounge 1811 Purdy Ave. Miami Beach, FL 33139 | South Beach | 305-531-4622; purdylounge.com. To quote the reliable (and chivalrous) South Beach boozing establishment: "We're thankful for the ladies at Purdy! Come get down with us after your Thxgiving feast. Ladies drink FREE 11 - 1 a.m."
The Broken Shaker 2727 Indian Creek Drive Miami Beach; 305-531-2727; thefreehand.com Perfect for a digestif... The Freehand Hostel's sophisticated purveyor of fine handcrafted cocktails opens at 6 p.m. sharp.
Churchill's Pub 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Celebratory drinks from 4 p.m. and punk rock from 9 till close with Destroyio Records' eighth annual Thanksgiving Punk Rock Shenanigans, starring Antifaces, Gazms, M-66, Talking Dogs, Ca$h Back, and DJ Skidmark.
The Garret at Grand Central 697 N. Miami Ave., Seventh St. side entrance, Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Drop it low in Grand Central's upstairs party loft for new dancehall, reggae, soca, and hip-hop weekly Way Up!
Will Call 700 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-577-5900; willcallmiami.com. Welcome to downtown Miami, where Will Call is almost always open, even on Thanksgiving. Go eat, drink, be merry from 11 a.m. till sunrise (literally, 8 a.m.) arrives the next morning.
Blackbird Ordinary 729 SW First Ave., Miami; 305-671-3307; blackbirdordinary.com. Wanna get your post-turkey drank and dance on? Hit up Brickell's Blackbird Ordinary from 10 p.m. till 5 a.m. for some fancy-ass cocktails and steady jams from DJs Contra, Manuvers, and Sire. No cover.
E11even Miami 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-305-6611; 11miami.com. Skip dessert. Get a lapdance. It's going down all night with DJ Blaze Carreras and the classy ladies of E11even Miami.
Closed in Observance of the Holiday
Bardot 3456 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-576-7750; bardotmiami.com. Happy Thanksgiving from Wynwood's swankest hangout!
Grand Central 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. From the GC crew to you and yours... Enjoy a second helping.
Cafeina 297 NW 23rd St., Miami; 305-438-0792; cafeinamiami.com. A note from the fine folks at Cafeina: "We're sorry for the inconvenience, but the Cafeina family will be giving thanks at home and will return Friday, November 28. Happy Thanksgiving, friends."
Wood Tavern 2531 NW Second Ave., Miami; 305-748-2828; woodtavernmiami.com. Gobble gobble... Wynwood's favorite hangout is taking Turkey Day off, bro.
Space 34 NE 11th St. Miami; 305-375-0001; clubspace.com. The Space folks aren't dancing today. They say: "Happy Thanksgiving from Club Space! Best wishes from our family to yours!"
LIV 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. There will be no turkey or Tanqueray on the VIP tables at LIV Miami today. The Fontainebleau's fanciest club will be back to poppin' booties and bottles in 24 hours, party people.
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