Somewhere in this cold, harsh universe, there is a sentient lifeform that gives a flipping fuck about Frank Zappa's daughter divorcing some bro-ham guitarist from Matchbox 20. But we here at Crossfade just can't get past the newly hot-to-trot Zappa's first name: Moon Unit.
While Papa Zappa surely struck gold, everyone knows Wacko Jacko (AKA Michael Jackson) was the true King of Redonkulous Baby Names. Prince? Paris? Blanket? Maybe all that Propofol Conrad Murray was dosing MJ with was a muse comparable to Weezy's cough syrup?
Anyway, Moon Unit Zappa got us thinking: What are some other out-of-control silly names that rock stars have given their babies, who eventually grew up to be adults with rout-of-control silly names? Check the jump for ten of the wacko-est.
10. Blue Berry, Son of Chuck Berry
Leave it to a dad to turn his son's whole fucking existence into a dad pun. Goddammit, Charles, why didn't you just name the kid Dingle?
9. Zowie Bowie, Son of David Bowie
Although ... Naming your child after a nonsense word that rhymes with your last name is that much stupider. We're surprised no one has tried to book Zowie Bowie playing Pavement's Wowee Zowee at this year's 5-Hour Energy Pitchfork-aroo-stock.
8. Sunny Bebop Balzary, Daughter of Red Hot Chili Peppers' Flea
Flea was clearly tripping balls while trying to scat like a funky whiteboy at 5 a.m. when he named his baby girl.
7. Moses Bruce Anthony, Son of Coldplay's Chris Martin
This name sounds like a mashup of Batman and The Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston.
6. Bronx Mowgli Wentz, Son of Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz
Pete Wentz loves The Jungle Book, but not as much as he loves The Big Apple. Hey, rockstars, stop naming your kids after shit you like? Your kids are humans not pets?
5. Zuma Nesta Rock, Son of Gwen Stefani and Bush's Gavin Rossdale
These billionaire fools not only sullied the name of an excellent Neil Young record. But they also made it sound like a Diet Iced Tea.
4. Les Paul, Son of Mötley Crüe's Mick Mars
Les Paul Mars is the pinnacle of idiot musicians naming their poor, eternally damned progeny after their hobbies. Mick's other kids are probably named Cocaine and Titties.
3. Bluebell Madonna, Daughter of Spice Girls' Ginger Spice
Hey ... At least Geri Halliwell gave her daughter a ridiculous name that also sounds like some kind of flower you can brew into a tea that'll make you trip for days.
2. Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q, Son of Bono
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Aside from the completely bewildering interjection of "Bob," known global-egalitarian Bono turned to the height of democracy -- The Roman Senate -- when looking for baby name inspiration.
1. Seven Sirius, Son of Andre 3000 and Erykah Badu
Mr. 3000 and Ms. Badu named their son like he was some kind of sex-adelic funk-bot. We can't wait for his debut album and/or sci-fi hip-hop porno.