When Barack Obama busted into a few bars from Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" at an Apollo Theatre performance, he reminded the entirety of the United States of why we elected him back in 2008: He's a total rock star!
If you're skeptical, just look at the numbers. MTV reports that sales of "Let's Stay Together" jumped a whopping 500 percent after the President sang it. And, uh, apparently the campaign has also released a ringtone of the President (yes, that's right, The President of the United States of America) singing Green's hit.
Of course, this immediately got Crossfade's speculative, list-making wheel's turning. What are some other tunes the incumbent could sing that may help his campaign? Check our findings after the jump.
10. "Sooner or Later (I Always Get My Man)" by Madonna
We're kicking this list off by going right for the fuckin' gullet, just like Barry O. did when he straight-up iced that bitch Osama Bin Laden. Dubya spent two years shy of a decade pursuing the leader of Al Qaeda in a fashion akin to Wile E. Coyote chasing The Roadrunner, Elmer Fudd hunting Bugs Bunny, and/or Sylvester The Cat repeatedly trying to scarf down Tweety Bird. When Obama finally plopped his ass down in the Oval Office's wheelie chair, Bin Laden was immediately on the fast-track to termination.
9. "Got Your Money" by Ol' Dirty Bastard feat. Kelis
Maybe the Commander in Chief could convince his First Lady to perform Kelis's fly-girl chorus? We also hear Joe Biden can sing in a falsetto of Klaus Nomi proportions. Regardless of accompaniment, this classic ODB banger could be dually dedicated to the bank-bailout-funding American taxpayer and The People's Republic of China.
8. "Could We Start Again, Please?" from the Jesus Christ Superstar OST.
Do you remember what the beginning of Obama's presidency was like? Pillow talk, long walks, feeding each other little morsels from our own plate ... You know that if Barack can remind the public of his President-elect Honeymoon to end all President-elect Honeymoons, the panties will be droppin' again in no time.
7. "Give Me Just A Little More Time" by Chairmen of the Board
Or maybe instead of looking back, The POTUS should set his (and the electorate's) sights on the future. Look, we know The First Black President is easy to mistake for the archetypal (and, uh, fucking racist) Magical Negro from films like The Green Mile and The Legend of Badger Vance, but, holy shit, no amount of magic - black or otherwise - can undo eight years of Cheney and Rumsfeld's attempt to establish a Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
6. "In The Navy" by The Village People
Until he repealed the policy back in September, the Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" approach to homosexual servicemen (and women) was one of Obama's most glaringly unfulfilled campaign promises. Now that the deed is done and DADT has been destroyed, might we suggest Mr. President put on a lil' drag-stravaganza to really hammer the message home? Can you imagine his cabinet all done up like The Village People? Do you want to?
5. "The Theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly by Ennio Morricone
No musical score could better communicate "Relax...I got this" than the theme to Clint Eastwood's spaghetti-western epic. There are no lyrics, but we're pretty sure Obama's whistling is about as sharp as his jump shop (that is, like barbed-fucking-wire)
4. "Shots" by LMFAO feat. Lil Jon
Remember when Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates was racially profiled by some bo-bo copper, and Barack had to regulate over some brewskies? Yeah, the whole embarrassing affair went down in history as (ugghhhhh) "The Beer Summit." If The Prez really wants to hold on to his first-class Air Force One seat, he needs to let the American public know he can chug liquor like a frat-boy who's accidentally roofied himself. Maybe he could perform this one at karaoke, right after Hillary Clinton sings Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable" and then runs to the ladies room to weepingly vomit.
3. "Teach Me How To Dougie" by Cali Swag District
Anyone with even the slightest sliver of a chance at winning the Presidency knows that in 2012 the name of the game is populism. Essentially, no matter what party you're affiliated with, who donates to your campaign or whatever you actually plan to do as President, votes will rain down from the sky like mana from Heaven if you can prove you represent The People. What better way to do that than proving you know all of the words (and steps!) to Cali Swag District's still-hot, dance-craze-inspring single from 2010? Do you think either Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich know how to Dougie?
2. "Macarena" by Los Del Rio
Speaking of populism, Barack Hussein Obama will guarantee himself a second term as leader of the free world if he performs the Macarena on live television.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
1. "For What It's Worth / Mr. Soul" by Buffalo Springfield
Alright, it's time to cut the crap and talk about the only music Obama needs if he's really looking to put this contest to bed. The one-two punch pairing of The Springfield's finest singles not only perfectly encapsulates the Stephen Stills-Neil Young compositional spectrum, but also provide the perfect model for a Presidential hopeful: You've gotta pair the intellect and sentimental rumination with some fucking righteous guitar solos.