OMG, you guys.
Please shut up with all these awful statuses about "holy crap da Mayans" and "whatchu think gon' happen tomorrow" and "evolved consciousness ftw" and "damn I better wear my sexy undies cause Ima fuck tonight end of world #swag." We here at Crossfade gotta get drunk just to deal with your unending Facebook/Twitter garbage.
The only upside to this end-of-the-world hysteria: There are a bunch of parties to go to dressed as someone who likes to eat still-beating hearts as a means to ensure the sun will rise tomorrow.
The Rockapocalypse. With Tabula Rasa, Prescott, Unarmed for Victory, and others. Thursday, December 20, 8 p.m., Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. Tickets cost $7 to $13 via tickets.aftonshows.com. Bang back some beers and bang your head. Get the kind of hangover that makes you wish the Mayans were right.
The End of Days Party. With Little Beard, Deaf Poets, Eons, Planelifter, and others. Friday, December 21, 10 p.m., Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami. No cover. Ages 18 and up. Free vodka from 11 p.m. to midnight! That's what's up.
End of the World Final Party!!! With Ike & Val Woods Band, Waking Delta Band, and others. Friday, December 21, 6 p.m., Tobacco Road, 626 S. Miami Ave., Miami. Tickets cost $5; no cover before 9. Ages 21 and up. Three exclamation points means triple the insanity. And $2 drinks from 6 p.m. to 7:41 p.m.
Apocalypse Now. With DJ Skitty and DJ Essential. Friday, December 21, 7 p.m., Cafeina Wynwood Lounge, 297 NW 23rd St., Miami. The kitchen is staying open till midnight and the drinks will be poured all night long. A toast to the end of it all!
End of the World Party. With Juke, Wholetones, and DJ Joshy Josh. Friday, December 21, 10 p.m., Will Call, 700 NE Second Ave., Miami. No cover. This is the first time these bands have ever played together. It's also the last, if the Mayans get their way.
Capital Radio Sessions Present: Fuck the End of the World! With Dyslexic Postcards, The Cost, Talking Dogs, and others. Friday, December 21, 8 p.m., Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. When the world ends, just say, "Fuck it."
DJ Craze. Friday, December 21, 11 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. DJ Craze is definitely the last thing you want to hear before you rapture.
Third Party. Friday, December 21, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $40 to $75 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Fist-pump your way into oblivion and get down under the brilliant lights. Go out in style.
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PALO! End of World Party! Friday, December 21, 10 p.m., PAX, 337 SW Eighth St., Miami. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 21 and up. If you're going to die or whatever, do it with some class and culture.
The Day After Tomorrow Project. With The White Panda, Sazon Booya, Lazerdisk Party Sex, and others. Saturday, December 22, 2 p.m., Villa 221, 221 N.E. 17th St., Miami. Tickets cost $25 to $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Assuming we live in reality and not some absurd fantasy world, nothing is going to happen Friday. So let's go get the fuck down to some funky ass beats on the day after tomorrow.