Rihanna and Chris Brown Getting Married? Couple Allegedly Planning Fire-Breathing Wedding With "a Near-Naked Waitstaff"

Oh girls, we never learn. We always love the assholes who treat us like garbage. As long as they give us just enough to feel like "this time is different." Well, this time it is different, because it's not just on-again, off-again rumors of dating and Instakissing. It's full-on marriage...

By Kat Bein

February 26, 2013

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Oh girls, we never learn. We always love the assholes who treat us like garbage. As long as they give us just enough to feel like "this time is different."

Well, this time it is different, because it's not just on-again, off-again rumors of dating and Instakissing. It's full-on marriage on the horizon for Rihanna and Chris Brown.

She's been spotted around town wearing a giant rock since the Grammys. And if that's not news enough, turns out they're going to have the best stoner rock-star wedding ceremony of all time. Check out all the hits they've got lined up, below.

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According to Perez Hilton, a friendly insider with the headlining couple claims to know some secret details about the wedding party, which is rumored to be "all about swagger, bling, and sin." Because those are the foundation of a good marriage, obvi.

"They want tattoo artists, fire breathers, and a near-naked waitstaff," the insider said. "They're even talking about having pre-rolled joints at the reception."

Whoa whoa whoa. Prerolled joints? Perhaps with diamonds? We were thinking this whole thing sounded crazy, but now we're just waiting for our invite. We can take these centerpieces home, right?

We just hope she turns up with a baby bump before she winds up with a concussion.

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.

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Twitter: @KatSaysKill