Oh girls, we never learn. We always love the assholes who treat us like garbage. As long as they give us just enough to feel like "this time is different."
Well, this time it is different, because it's not just on-again, off-again rumors of dating and Instakissing. It's full-on marriage on the horizon for Rihanna and Chris Brown.
She's been spotted around town wearing a giant rock since the Grammys. And if that's not news enough, turns out they're going to have the best stoner rock-star wedding ceremony of all time. Check out all the hits they've got lined up, below.
According to Perez Hilton, a friendly insider with the headlining couple claims to know some secret details about the wedding party, which is rumored to be "all about swagger, bling, and sin." Because those are the foundation of a good marriage, obvi.
"They want tattoo artists, fire breathers, and a near-naked waitstaff," the insider said. "They're even talking about having pre-rolled joints at the reception."
Whoa whoa whoa. Prerolled joints? Perhaps with diamonds? We were thinking this whole thing sounded crazy, but now we're just waiting for our invite. We can take these centerpieces home, right?
We just hope she turns up with a baby bump before she winds up with a concussion.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.