No joke ... Miami Heat superstars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh got together to play a little jazz in honor of Bosh's 28th birthday.
According to TMZ, it all went down at the Adrienne Arsht Center at a high-profile party that included Heat don Pat Riley and producer Timbaland. Unannounced, LeBron, D. Wade, and Bosh jumped onstage and ripped into a lil' ragtime.
Crossfade feels as though it is our duty to enthusiastically and formally endorse the Big Three Jazz Band. In fact, we've even got some suggestions for what we want to hear them play next.
The Heat's marketing team does an incredible job connecting with Miami's myriad Latino demographics. But what about all them Hebrews? Jews love basketball too!
Rock Music That Sounds Like Creed
Now we turn from the world's oldest monotheistic religion to the New Testament, specifically Christian rock buttmusic. No doubt in our mind that LeBron can pull off the gargling billy goat voice that has stained guitar-based music since Pearl Jam.
We're actually kind of surprised that the Big Three's performance at Bosh's bash wasn't reggaeton in the first place. Their jerseys already say "El Heat." What we want to know is why they don't say "El Calor?"
New Wave of British Heavy Metal
You can tell from his swagger in the photos that D. Wade is an axe-wielder on par with Iron Maiden's Janick Gers. In fact, we've heard that one of his pre-game warmup rituals is a run through of every solo on Powerslave.
Fuck this band shit. The Big Three need to set out on their own as Skrillex-style crabcore dubstep DJs. We can't wait to hear their remixes of each other's remixes of Madonna farting out Avicii's "Levels."
Hare Krishna Hardcore
The only thing weirder than hardcore punk turning into straight edge turning into Hare Krishna-themed extreme rock music would be the three biggest names in professional basketball throwing on some orange robes and going for a few laps in the circle pit.
Precocious Indie Pop
Remember a few years ago when every band had some lollipop-twee motherfucker playing a harmonium with daisies all over it? Well, get ready to see what happens when we cross El Heat with Sufjan Stevens.
Yo Wade! Do you shred on guitar as much as you do on the court? Where do you think you fall on a scale of 1 to Paco de Lucia?
LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh should all grow massive afros, dye them aqua, and start posing for MacBook PLUR photoshoots where they hold up peace signs in front of dolphin/ying-yang posters.
Chris Bosh is already a suspected secret celebrity Juggalo. As much as we are loathe to endorsing the Juggao lifestyle (dirtfreaking and kiddie pools filled with strawberry soda), we think that getting down with the clown just might give the Big Three the competitive edge they need to bring home an NBA championship. Hey, Robert Johnson had to sell his soul to the devil to learn how to play the blues, didn't he? This is like that.
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