Pop the Dom. Buss that wallet open. Hit the ATM. Repeat.
If you've never done Memorial Day in Miami, here is a warning: It's going to get expensive. The bottles aren't cheap. And neither are the hookups. But if you wanna party (or you know, remember the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces) like a boss, you can't be counting dollar bills.
Go raid the bank, rent a 'Rari, and -- to quote veteran baller -- Young Jeezy, "kill the club."
Trinidad James and DJ Khaled. Presented by Young Chow and Stay In Ya Lane. Thursday, May 23, 11 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Tickets cost $35 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Wear your "All Gold Everything" and start screaming, "We the Best!," 'cause Mr. Trinidad and Khaled are gonna be straight flexin' on SoBe. P.S. "Female$ Allowed."
Birdman and Rick Ross. As part of The H mixtape release party. Thursday, May 23, 11 p.m., Story, 136 Collins Ave. Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $60 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The Five-Star Stunna and The Bawse are back together again! It's been four years since Birdman and Rick Ross recorded their so-called "lost tape." And this Thursday, they droppin' The H on South Beach.
Bryant McKinnie's Da Kick Off: Welcome to Miami Madness Pool Party. With Juelz Santana. Friday, May 24, 1 to 9 p.m., Catalina Hotel & Beach Club, 1732 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-1160; catalinahotel.com. Weekend party passes cost $125 and up plus fees via miamimadnessweekend.com. Ages 21 and up. Oil up that pigskin, son. It's time to do the Nasty Poolside Shuffle with 'Canes alum and Super Bowl champ Bryant McKinnie and 500 bikini-ed ball bunnies.
Ace Hood's Celebrity Mansion Birthday Party. With King of Diamonds strip club dancers. Friday, May 24, 4 p.m. to 11 p.m., Villa 221, 221 NE 17th St., Miami; 305-416-5280; villa221.com. Tickets cost $25 plus fees via eventbrite.com. Ages 21 and up. It's Ace Hood's b-day. And while there won't be full-nudity (because the Villa ain't a nudie bar), y'all can definitely expect big booties, big ballers, and maybe even big homie Ricky Rozay.
Resale Concert Tickets
Busta Rhymes. With DJ Irie. Friday, May 24, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave. Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $40 to $60 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Celebrate Busta's b-day at the Fontainebleau's most fancy-ass megaclub. Free admission for any motherfucker who can spit a flawless a capella version of "Break Ya Neck."
We the Best South Beach Takeover. With DJ Khaled and friends. Friday, May 24, 11 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Tickets are sold out via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who's the best? "We the Best!" Get ready for a night of foghorn blasts and pre-recorded shoutouts with DJ Khaled and his homies Nino Brown, Ace Hood, Mavado, and Vado. Bruhhh-bruhhh!
Diddy's Day Party. Presented by A-Listers Live. With DJ Bulletproof. Saturday, May 26, 3 to 10 p.m., Bamboo, 550 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-4771; bamboomiamibeach.com. Tickets cost $20 to $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Yes, Sean "P. Puff Diddy Daddy" Combs is a $580-million man. So while the rest of y'all are rolling up to the club in a cab, his custom chopper full of chicks and cash will be landing on Bamboo's roof.
Juelz Santana's Splish Splash Pool Bash & BBQ. With DJs Boof, Scoota, and Epps. Sunday, May 26, 1 to 9 p.m., Catalina Hotel & Beach Club, 1732 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-1160; catalinahotel.com. Weekend party passes cost $125 and up plus fees via miamimadnessweekend.com. Ages 21 and up. Never witnessed underwater twerkin'? Well, don't miss the 2013 edition of Dipset boss Juelz Santana's annual SoBe "Splish Splash Pool Bash & BBQ." Oh, and bring some blinged-out goggles.
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Lil Wayne and Birdman. With DJs E Feezy and 360. Monday, May 27, 11 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. On Memorial Day itself, Lil Wayne and his daddy (AKA Birdman, who FYI is not actually Weezy's biological father) won't be celebrating with hotdogs, brews, and "The Star-Spangled Banner." Nope ... The only backyard that's baller enough for YMCMB fam and friends is Mansion's motherfuckin' VIP.
Young Jeezy. Sunday, May 26, 10 p.m., Club Play, 1045 5th St. Miami Beach; 305-532-4340; clubplaysouthbeach.com. Cover costs $30 and up. Ages 21 and up. Fact: Nobody knows how to murder a holiday weekend like Jeezy. In fact, he guarantees: "R.I.P, we gonna kill the club."