After another shitty day at a shitty job in a shitty city, I decided to relax by listening to an old LP of sci-fi movie sound effects and watching shadows on my bedroom walls while blitzed on acid. At the time, this seemed like the best way to spend the remaining eight hours till sunrise. I was wrong. It was a very bad idea.
Within minutes, the walls went liquid and gave birth to giant six-foot ants with mouths dripping some kind of dark, sticky stuff. I figured they wanted to eat me. I screamed, the ants laughed, and a standoff ensued as cheap noise and theremin music filled the background. Eventually, the ants got bored. They broke my record, tuned the TV to reruns of the 1980s sitcom Small Wonder, and sat there in shadowy silence, salivating gallons of dark, sticky stuff.
Minutes before morning, the ants turned to me and revealed that they were robots. I screamed. They laughed. And it was time for work again.
Destroyio Records presents New Age, Hardware Youth, Enough!, Askultura, and more. Friday, April 16. Churchill's, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. Doors open at 9 p.m., and there's a $5 cover. 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com.
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Destroyio Records presents the Baker Acted CD-Release Party with the Ticks, Consular, Enough!, Guerrilleros de Nadie, Prostitots, and more. Friday, April 29. Churchill's, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. Doors open at 9 p.m., and there's a $5 cover. 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com.