Oh, Urban Beach Week. You came and left so quickly. We're still coughing up your kush clouds, and they still taste like purple.
We can't get the image of your bubble-butt constricted by ill-fitting neon fishnets and your glorious bikini gut out of our minds. We only want to smoke our Swishers from your gold-ringed, yellow-nailed fingers. But alas, you have left us wanting.
Actually, we still have these great photos. Check the cut for Crossfade's top ten Fashion Freakouts at Memorial Day weekend 2013 in Miami.
Bruh, it's Memorial Day weekend. You cannot step outside without at least two chains, a gold watch and a Styrofoam cup. Wear black so the gold pops on your well-exercised chest. Smile down at all the lovely bitches twerkin' off, and wait for them to come to you.
Godammit. That is a giant ass. It would look good in almost anything. Even a tiny patch of fabric with some string. So it looks kind of like a naked lady sat down on a black napkin and doesn't realize it. Whatever ... She knows she's sexy, and no law of physics is going to kill her vibe.
Ladies love a man with confidence, and nothing shows confidence more than getting out of bed and walking straight out the door. Pajamas are the most stylish pants a man can wear besides gym shorts. Finally, a boyfriend who understands comfort is more important than trying.
Summer is all about color, baby girl, and these fun chicks have it in droves. They're poppin' up at the party in yellow, orange, blue, green and white. Throw all the shade you want, haters, their shine is on full. The matching belly rings show these women do things together.
No, her hair isn't real, but who the fuck wants real hair when there are wigs like this? The craziest part: They had to spend more money on those hair pieces than the combined cost of their outfits. What you save on fabric, you put towards cotton-candy head-warmers.
Bottom line: This is Miami. We are as bright, hot and sticky as a beachside popsicle stand. That's why Rick Ross, homegrown Bawse, leaves the black top in the closet and busts out the Parrot Jungle sleeves. The platinum- and diamond-encrusted bling have an icy Miami Vice charm. Son knows how to relax and look good.
These women owe a lot to the women of the '60s. Most notably, they owe them the right to wear white before Memorial Day. If the progressive fashionistas of that era didn't shock the nation with their in-your-face monochromatic movement, attitudes would never have relaxed in time for them to walk out the house like this in 2013.
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Cut-outs are all the rage these days. Almost all the girls are wearing cut-outs in the sides of their dresses, so why not be unique and wear them all the way down your jeans! No worries, it's still unique as long as your girlfriend wears hers in a different color.
Dress your gravitational field-emanating badonk in giant cat print, please. I can't see otherwise.
Honestly, Memorial Day weekend fashion comes down to two simple things: bling and kush. Either you have those things. Or no one cares.