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When the perfectly listenable Brit rock quartet Coldplay headlined the Super Bowl Halftime Show, no right-wing group threw a competing concert to run against them. Ditto the Super Bowls that showcased Barbadian baddie Rihanna, Canadian sensation The Weeknd, and Irish exports U2.
But when the National Football League announced it was booking Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio, a.k.a. Bad Bunny, the backlash from the right came something fierce. Bad Bunny, you see, raps primarily in Spanish. And to a certain strain of monolingual MAGA, that’s a threat to ‘mericuh.
Never mind that the 56 million Americans who speak Spanish make the United States the world’s second-largest Spanish-speaking country (after Mexico). Never mind, either, that Bad Bunny hails from Puerto Rico, a U.S. commonwealth whose people have been U.S. citizens for more than a century. The folks at Turning Point USA, at Arizona’s epicenter for Christian Nationalism, announced they’d be throwing what they call an “All-American” halftime show to counter the red-blooded (if darker-skinned) American who will be on the field at halftime Sunday.
Announcing a big ol’ cynical show is one thing. It’s a very different task, however, to find artists who want to be the face of such a stunt. As the months went on, TP USA kept punting on who, exactly, would fill their bill. Even as Bad Bunny owned this year’s Grammy Awards — taking home his first Album of the Year and firing off an inspirational speech discouraging hate — it seemed TP USA was left groping.
This week, just days before the largest television, it appears they have decided this English-only party will include some bawitdaba da-bang da-bang diggy-diggy-diggy. None other than Detroit’s claim of shame, Robert Ritchie, better known as Kid Rock, is stepping up to lead what TP USA calls a “one-of-a-kind” event. On this, we can agree: One of these is going to be plenty.
No one is particularly shocked to see Confederate-flag-waving Kid Rock lead this charge. Opening for the rapper-turned-country-rocker that night will be another country artist, Brantley Gilbert, and then another country artist, Gabby Barrett, and, wait, we’re seeing a theme, right? Next up … um, country artist, Lee Brice. If you’re wondering if any of these folks are non-white, rest assured they’re all of a Caucasian persuasion. And if you find yourself asking “who?” a couple of times, you might be residing at Camp You’re Not Alone, where TVs will be blaring the sets by actually popular, equally American musical acts Green Day and Bad Bunny.
The willful misunderstanding of the fact that Puerto Ricans are indeed U.S. citizens demonstrates once again that MAGA acolytes interpret history and the law about as faithfully as they interpret the New Testament.
From jump, Turning Point USA has had its milky sheets in a twist about the choice of Bad Bunny. The slow-motion train wreck it’s running this week is reminiscent of alleged comedian Tony Hinchcliffe describing Puerto Rico as a “floating island of garbage” at a Trump rally, a full-speed train wreck.
You may be wondering how to watch this soon-to-be-failed-attempt at a ratings grab. Well, you can probably track down that information yourself, if you’re morbidly curious. Usually we like to provide viewing information. In this case, we genuinely DGAF.