Did you waste three hours of your life watching the 53rd Annual Grammy Awards last night? Well, congrats ... You got almost 15 minutes of genuine entertainment out of the deal.
For one, Bieber took a beating at the hands of Best New Artist Esperanza Spalding. For another, Snooki stalked the red carpet for MTV, baffling celebs, nominees, and translators alike. And next you had Cee Lo's Magical Mardi Gras Acid Trip populated by puppets and Gwyneth Paltrow.
But here's the downside: This next year's gonna be packed with drunken rants by all your geekiest music fan friends on the Great Rise of the Blazingly Beautiful Indie Phoenix.
Sorry, guys. Check the Nielsen and Billboard stats and the overall Grammy winners ... Rap and pop still rule.
53rd Annual Grammy Awards Winners
Album of the Year: Arcade Fire, The Suburbs
Record of the Year: Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now"
Song of the Year: Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now"
Best New Artist: Esperanza Spalding
Best Rap Album: Eminem, Recovery
Best Pop Vocal Album: Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster
Best Alternative Music Album: The Black Keys, Brothers
Best Rock Album: Muse, The Resistance
Best Rap Song: Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, "Empire State of Mind"
Best Pop Performance by Duo or Group: Train, "Hey, Soul Sister (Live)"
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Best Female Pop Vocal Performance: Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance"
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance: Bruno Mars, "Just the Way You Are"
See the full list of the victorious at grammy.com/nominees.