50 WTF Quotes From Ultra 2013

“What the fuck does unicorn taste like?”

Stardust. Rainbows. Maybe black-market horse meat from Miami’s C-9 basin.

There’s really no way to know, though. Because this fabulous one-horned equine creature doesn’t actually exist. Except when you’re raving, raging, and tripping out at Ultra Music Festival.

Here are 50 WTF quotes from Ultra 2013.

See also:

–Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Bros

–Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Girls

50. “Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic!” – A gang of raver friends, describing that “Epic!” moment when one enters Ultra Music Festival

49. “My mom said she doesn’t want me to ‘lose my innoncence’ here. And I think she means ‘raped.'” – Giggling teenaged girl

48. “Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” – Rape-y 20-something bro to giggling teenaged girl

47. “The thing is, I took acid and bought Molly” – Raver chick in a drug dilemma

46. “Nigga, I got any kind of shit anybody want. Like X or coke or prescriptions. And if you want rat poison, I’ll go get it.” – Eighth Street drug dealer, explaining how supply-and-demand affects his inventory

45. “Rat! Uhhhh! Gross!” – Chonga party chick, screaming about a rodent in a trash can outside Ultra’s gates

44. “I tried to put a hot dog in my mouth. But it fell out the bun.” – Sad, starving drunk guy

43. “Put your fucking pants back on.” – Sober GF to rolling BF

42. “I can’t find my pants.” – Rolling BF

41. “Rage classy, Miami. Rage classy.” – Miami raver bro on the Metrorail

40. “Are you taking any drugs this weekend?” – Crossfade reporter

39. “No, just some ecstasy and a little smoke.” – 70-year-old raver

38. “So… are MDMA and marijuana real drugs?” – Crossfade reporter to Miami cop at Ultra

37. “Yes. And don’t take a photo of me!” – Miami cop at Ultra

36. “Can you take our picture?” – Uttered by 76 percent of ravers at Ultra Music Festival

35. “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.” – One horny raver bro in a “Show Me Your Tits” T-shirt to another horny raver bro in a “Show Me Your Tits” T-shirt

34. “I love people!” – Excited Asian girl leaving a port-a-potty

33. “We did it! We figured out life!” – First-time roller, walking to his car

32. “I’m getting really tired of his shit.” – First-time roller’s friend, walking three steps behind

31. “Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ?” – Evangelicals peddling God on Biscayne Boulevard

30. “Got Mollies?” – Drug dealer at Metromover station

29. “I’m high on life!” – The one sober kid at the Trapped stage

28. “This real trap shit.” – Every DJ at the Trapped stage

27. “Let me see your fucking hands up!” – David Guetta, not armed-robbing ravers

26. “Ugh, that fucking whistle’s so annoying.” – Raver chick at the Carl Cox tent

25. “Where’s Bayside?” – Bro at Bayside

24. “I’m from Italy. Can I have your press pass?” – Tourist outside of Ultra Music Festival

23. “Scream so motherfucking China can hear us” – Skrillex during Dog Blood’s set

22. “I am not a narc.” – Crossfade reporter to paranoid raver

21. “Then where’s your neon, bro?” – Paranoid raver to Crossfade reporter

20. “Dude, I just saw a chicken. And it wasn’t fried.” – Hungry stoner

19. “Yeah. They’re all over Miami, man. For Santería and shit.” – Hungry stoner’s buddy

18. “Nah, dude. This chicken was human.” – Hungry stoner

17. “Fuck this.” – Bro waiting for ketchup at the French fry stand

16. “Fucking patriotic as hell!” – All-American raver guy during Slash’s surprise appearance (Note: Slash was born in London and moved to the U.S. when he was 5.)

15. “It’s just Slash.” – Unimpressed Brazilian bro

14. “Rock ‘n’ roll is gay.” – EDM purist

13. “I’m not homophobic!” – Obviously homophobic raver bro

12. “Don’t worry about who you are. Gay, straight, whatever. It’s about just being. Like the Tiësto song, ‘Just Be.'” – Molly Casa

11. “I fucking love this girl! She’s famous!” – Superhappy PLUR bro upon meeting Molly Casa

10. “I’ve never heard of Miami New Times.” – USA Today reporter

9. “That girl looks so slutty, I just want to put my dick in her mouth.” – Chicago bro, ogling main-stage hotties

8. “No, we’re not going to kiss this tree. But we’ll kiss each other.” – Two girls, one tree

7. “I feel so positive! Yes! Yes! Yessssss!” – Touchy-feely bro without a shirt

5. “My friend just died. And I’m probably gonna kill myself.” – Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes

4. “Just joking. He’s over there.” – Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes, pointing at his not-dead friend

3. “Peace! Love! Unity! Respect! That’s what it means! Everybody love everybody!” – Kandi chick, preaching the power of PLUR

3. “Fuck you, I hope you die.” – Frat boy to frat boy

2. “What do you people do when this ends and you’re all so fucked up?” – Yeasayer lead singer to the PLUR-y masses

1. “Please tip. Need money for mollies.” – Tip jar at Heineken bar by the live stage

— Quotes collected by Victor Gonzalez, Kat Bein, and S. Pajot

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