| Lists |

50 WTF Quotes From Ultra 2013

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

"What the fuck does unicorn taste like?"

Stardust. Rainbows. Maybe black-market horse meat from Miami's C-9 basin.

There's really no way to know, though. Because this fabulous one-horned equine creature doesn't actually exist. Except when you're raving, raging, and tripping out at Ultra Music Festival.

Here are 50 WTF quotes from Ultra 2013.

See also:

-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Bros

-Top 13 Hardcore Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!

-Naked Dancing Dude Gets Arrested at Ultra 2013 (NSFW VIDEO)

-The Six Bad Bitches You Meet at Ultra Music Festival

-Top Ten Twerking, Harlem Shake-ing Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF

-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Girls

50. "Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic! Epic!" - A gang of raver friends, describing that "Epic!" moment when one enters Ultra Music Festival

49. "My mom said she doesn't want me to 'lose my innoncence' here. And I think she means 'raped.'" - Giggling teenaged girl

48. "Don't worry, you'll be safe." - Rape-y 20-something bro to giggling teenaged girl

47. "The thing is, I took acid and bought Molly" - Raver chick in a drug dilemma

46. "Nigga, I got any kind of shit anybody want. Like X or coke or prescriptions. And if you want rat poison, I'll go get it." - Eighth Street drug dealer, explaining how supply-and-demand affects his inventory

45. "Rat! Uhhhh! Gross!" - Chonga party chick, screaming about a rodent in a trash can outside Ultra's gates

44. "I tried to put a hot dog in my mouth. But it fell out the bun." - Sad, starving drunk guy

43. "Put your fucking pants back on." - Sober GF to rolling BF

42. "I can't find my pants." - Rolling BF

41. "Rage classy, Miami. Rage classy." - Miami raver bro on the Metrorail

40. "Are you taking any drugs this weekend?" - Crossfade reporter

39. "No, just some ecstasy and a little smoke." - 70-year-old raver

38. "So... are MDMA and marijuana real drugs?" - Crossfade reporter to Miami cop at Ultra

37. "Yes. And don't take a photo of me!" - Miami cop at Ultra

36. "Can you take our picture?" - Uttered by 76 percent of ravers at Ultra Music Festival

35. "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." - One horny raver bro in a "Show Me Your Tits" T-shirt to another horny raver bro in a "Show Me Your Tits" T-shirt

34. "I love people!" - Excited Asian girl leaving a port-a-potty

33. "We did it! We figured out life!" - First-time roller, walking to his car

32. "I'm getting really tired of his shit." - First-time roller's friend, walking three steps behind

31. "Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ?" - Evangelicals peddling God on Biscayne Boulevard

30. "Got Mollies?" - Drug dealer at Metromover station

29. "I'm high on life!" - The one sober kid at the Trapped stage

28. "This real trap shit." - Every DJ at the Trapped stage

27. "Let me see your fucking hands up!" - David Guetta, not armed-robbing ravers

26. "Ugh, that fucking whistle's so annoying." - Raver chick at the Carl Cox tent

25. "Where's Bayside?" - Bro at Bayside

24. "I'm from Italy. Can I have your press pass?" - Tourist outside of Ultra Music Festival

23. "Scream so motherfucking China can hear us" - Skrillex during Dog Blood's set

22. "I am not a narc." - Crossfade reporter to paranoid raver

21. "Then where's your neon, bro?" - Paranoid raver to Crossfade reporter

20. "Dude, I just saw a chicken. And it wasn't fried." - Hungry stoner

19. "Yeah. They're all over Miami, man. For Santería and shit." - Hungry stoner's buddy

18. "Nah, dude. This chicken was human." - Hungry stoner

17. "Fuck this." - Bro waiting for ketchup at the French fry stand

16. "Fucking patriotic as hell!" - All-American raver guy during Slash's surprise appearance (Note: Slash was born in London and moved to the U.S. when he was 5.)

15. "It's just Slash." - Unimpressed Brazilian bro

14. "Rock 'n' roll is gay." - EDM purist

13. "I'm not homophobic!" - Obviously homophobic raver bro

12. "Don't worry about who you are. Gay, straight, whatever. It's about just being. Like the Tiësto song, 'Just Be.'" - Molly Casa

11. "I fucking love this girl! She's famous!" - Superhappy PLUR bro upon meeting Molly Casa

10. "I've never heard of Miami New Times." - USA Today reporter

9. "That girl looks so slutty, I just want to put my dick in her mouth." - Chicago bro, ogling main-stage hotties

8. "No, we're not going to kiss this tree. But we'll kiss each other." - Two girls, one tree

7. "I feel so positive! Yes! Yes! Yessssss!" - Touchy-feely bro without a shirt

5. "My friend just died. And I'm probably gonna kill myself." - Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes

4. "Just joking. He's over there." - Nerdy raver with tears in his eyes, pointing at his not-dead friend

3. "Peace! Love! Unity! Respect! That's what it means! Everybody love everybody!" - Kandi chick, preaching the power of PLUR

3. "Fuck you, I hope you die." - Frat boy to frat boy

2. "What do you people do when this ends and you're all so fucked up?" - Yeasayer lead singer to the PLUR-y masses

1. "Please tip. Need money for mollies." - Tip jar at Heineken bar by the live stage

-- Quotes collected by Victor Gonzalez, Kat Bein, and S. Pajot

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.