2 Live Crew at Exxxotica Expo May 21

If, like us, you've actually attended the annual Exxxotica Expo at the Miami Beach Convention Center and not just feverishly daydreamed about it while rubbing your sweaty palms together in the parking lot, you already know the experience is closer to attending a boat show with more boob jobs (and fewer boats) than to wandering naked into a real-life skin flick.

Honestly, sporadic group sex sessions almost never break out on the convention floor. But this year might be different, if the legendary pervs and free-speech champions of 2 Live Crew can help it. On Saturday, two of the Crews's original four — Fresh Kid Ice and Brother Marquis — will commandeer the Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network-sponsored main stage to throw some Ds, drop some classic booty jams, and even toss off a couple of tracks from Kid and Marquis's new record, Just Wanna Be Heard.

Amid an almost inevitable avalanche of fat asses in fluorescent thongs, the two-man Crew will undoubtedly urge a crowd of fetish freaks, DP geeks, and porn stars (including Jesse Jane, Joanna Angel, Rubberdoll, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, and the legendary Ron "the Hedgehog" Jeremy in his usual on-set attire of sweatpants, stained T-shirt, and Crocs) to open up the fuck shop, pop that pussy, and move something.

And that will be the moment of truth... Who is free and weird enough to get as nasty as they wanna be, right there on the convention center floor?

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S. Pajot