2 Chainz's B.O.A.T.S. Tour
With Trigg Da Kidd and Cap 1
Fillmore Miami Beach
Monday, November 26, 2012
Better Than: No Chainz. Or even 1 Chainz.
The doubters said 2 Chainz was a hardcore dummy with weak lyrical skills.
But with the full fucking endorsement of Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, Ricky Rozay, even NBA big baller LeBron James (not to mention The Source and its "Man of the Year" award), this ATL rapper formerly known as Tity Boi has slayed the haters.
And now he's the rap game's premier party boy superstar.
Appropriately, opener Trigg Da Kidd got shit poppin' off at the Fillmore Miami Beach by acknowledging the coming New Year and delivering a diatribe against all those losers who hate getting faded, going freaky, having fun.
"It's almost 2013! So we 'bout to get some new haters! Time to say 'Fuck you' to all the old haters! Middle fingers up!"
"Nigga, you ain't nothin' like me," Trigg spit. "You ain't 'bout dat life, nigga!"
Next, Trigg and his homie broke out a big-ass glass bong. "Where my smokers at?" Da Kidd hollered. "This is a stoners night."
'Cause we all know real rap party boys love weed like they hate haters. But what's the only thing that they wanna-wanna more than sweet, sticky smokeable ish? "Bustin' booties," obviously.
As Da Kidd asked da crowd: "How many y'all like to fuck?!"
After Trigg finished with the haters, the bongs, and the bitches, Cap 1 (AKA Richie Rich) snatched up the mike, claiming that "the streets need a cure/I got the antidote."
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Serving officially as the intro act and hypeman, Richie dropped a few more tracks, talking about that "paper chase," his long-standing "smash on sight" policy, and "gangbang, gangbang" while teasing his "partners and sexy ladies" about Mr. Chainz's imminent arrival.
"How long can y'all wait?"
A few sips of spiked Sprite and a fat blunt later, 2 Chainz bounced out from backstage, throwing fists and smiling like a fool.
Dressed in black leather, gold silk, and his signature swag neckpieces with a single Jacko-style glove on his right hand, the premier party boy busted out his "Mercy" verse and proved he "Got One" before saying "What up!" to his people.
"I wanna welcome everybody to the B.O.A.T.S. tour," he shouted and mimed being the captain of this ship. "That's an acronym for Based on a T.R.U. Story.
"Real niggas say, 'Truuuuuu!'"
The haters went home. The smoke kept rising. And the ladies got sweaty.
Then once he'd finished wil'ing out with an initial batch of his T.R.U.-est hits ("Turn Up," "Beez in the Trap," "I Luv Dem Strippers"), Mr. Chainz just screamed, "Tunechi!"
On cue, Lil Wayne bounded out in his best relaxin' gear (hoodie, bright white tee, orange pajama pants, and green-and-tangerine fishing cap), crashing the B.O.A.T.S. party and ripping into "Duffle Bag Boy" and "Bandz A Make Her Dance" as the crowd crapped its collective drawers.
"Motherfuckin' Lil Tunechi!" Chainz shouted, pointing toward Weezy walking for the wings. "Y'all make some noise for my real nigga! Every since day one, that's been my partner!"
But the celebrity cameos weren't even done.
"Make some noise for my other nigga, LeBron James!" the rapper cackled, pumping his fists like a winner. "The Heat got a new play called the T.R.U. play!"
And King James crab-dribbled into the spotlight as a chant of "MVP! MVP! MVP!" echoed through the smoked-out South Beach theater.
The NBA big baller didn't say much in the moment, just imploring everyone to "make sure you show support for 2 Chainz." But once LeBron laid his hands on the iPhone, dude got stoked: "The homie @2chainz killed it tonight!"
Even Busta Rhymes, 2 Chainz's "favorite East Coast rapper," showed up for a near-perfect a capella take of his superhuman "Look at Me Now" verse. But then the rest of the B.O.A.T.S. show was dedicated to funny stuff, real talk, and party tracks.
Mr. Chainz started a "Riot." He let all y'all know "you sexy." And yeah, he also caught a flying pair of short shorts. "Usually, girls just throw some panties! But these are pants! I ain't even gonna smell them shits!"
And segueing into "Supa Freak," the rapper dished on the perks of being Man of the Year. "Every time I open up my Twitter before a show, there's girls sayin', 'Ima get sexy for 2 Chainz!
"'Ima shave off all my pussy hair for 2 Chainz! Ima get my toes done for 2 Chainz, just in case! Ima wear my red thong for 2 Chainz! Or better, no thong!'"
But willing women with no pubic fuzz and perfect pedicures are only part of the reason why 2 Chainz insists, "I love my job."
Apparently, the best part is simply the privelege of being a premier party boy. "Every day, I wake up and I know I gotta hit the stage or the studio. When you work at Subway, you don't like getting up in the morning. But I looooove getting up in the morning! Truuuuuu!"
And that's why the fine females and wannabe party boys love 2 Chainz too. 'Cause he lives to get faded, go freaky, and have fun.
As Trigg, Cap 1, and Mr. Chainz would say: Fuck you, haters.
The Rules, According to 2 Chainz:
1. "No fights, unless you own that shit!"
2. "No photos of me with flip phones! 'Cause flip phones fuck up the swag! Remember that!"
2 Chainz's Setlist
-"Beez in the Trap"
-"I Luv Dem Strippers"
-"Duffle Bag Boy"
-"Bandz A Make Her Dance"
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