Audio By Carbonatix
Advertising Can't Do It Alone
The challenges facing local news organizations are very real. That's why reader support matters more than ever. If you believe independent journalism matters, make a contribution today and help us reach our summer fundraising goal of $10,000 by August 9.
Ben & Jerry’s recently introduced a new ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls, a frozen delight of vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and loaded with, um, balls.
The ice cream is named for Pete Schweddy, the Alec Baldwin character on Saturday Night Live who makes delightful Schweddy Balls as a holiday treat.
If you think “Schweddy Balls” is one weird name, we’ve compiled a list of food items that have been named worse — way worse.
10. Finger Marie: We’re not sure if this is a cookie name or a directive, but next time our tiramisu recipe calls for “fingering ladies,” we’ll know what it’s talking about, sort of.
9. Golden Gaytime frozen novelty: This ice-cream bar has been around for decades in New Zealand, which means generations of 8-year-old boys and girls have had “4 delicious chances to have a gay time.” Goes great with a nice dish of Schweddy Balls.
8. Watering KissMint gum: Ugh. If we wanted to kiss something that drools, we’d make out with a Rottweiler.
7. Spotted dick: No, you don’t need to run to the free clinic. It’s moist, delicious pudding in a can.
6. Yorkie candy bar: Chocolate named after a small dog with ribbons in its hair — yet somehow it’s not for girls.
5. Only Puke chips: Hey, eat the damn stuff. It’s not like it’s named rotting wildebeest. It’s Only Puke, for f**k’s sake.
4. Vergina beer: With a slogan like “taste the Mediterranean,” we’ll let you insert the jokes here.
3. Pussy energy drink: Sold in London nightclubs, Pussy “starts conversations,” according to its website. We encourage everyone to drink some Pussy.
2. Pet Sweat: We envision thousands of dogs in saunas, panting into bottles. We’ll pass.
1. Pee Cola: All things being equal, we’ll take a cold Pussy or Pet Sweat over a warm Pee.
Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.
