We want to start by reminding you that Paris Hilton is 33. If, at that age, we are prancing around a sound green-screen stage dressed like a my-size Barbie princess doll, please, don’t hesitate to shoot us. No adult woman should be stuck in such a stunted hell. That she…
In a city obsessed with appearances as much as pork, it was only a matter of time before someone thought to put the two together. The inaugural Bacon Beach Bash will take place this Saturday, July 5, as part of ‘Murica’s birthday celebration at Nikki Beach. Because if there’s one…
What makes someone a hack? A hack purports to be something he’s not. It’s a person who holds himself above others on false grounds. The entertainment industry is full of them, and tons of people get into the music industry for the wrong reasons. We can’t help ourselves from feeling…
Dear LeBron, When I first read the news that you’d be opting out of your Miami Heat contract, I have to admit, I was more than a little upset. I imagine many Miamians had the same reaction, from the guy down the block with a picture of your face and…
It’s usually weird when actors spit rhymes, but it’s even weirder when you find out the sparkly vampire hunk from Twilight wants to be a rapper named “Big Tub.” That’s the truth Robert Pattinson revealed on the couch with Seth Meyers on Late Night. The poor kid was self-conscious about…
The mainstream rap game is servin’ up so many soft rappers, we should stop calling them MCs and start calling them TCBYs. Have you listened to the hip-hop charts lately? It’s like a damn 16-year-old girl’s mix tape in this mess. Someone must have let the dogs out, because all…
Drummers are a completely different breed of humanoid. We here at Crossfade believe that a solid drummer is the key ingredient to any good band — the very catalyst that emulsifies the piss and vinegar of rock ‘n roll into something tangible — and we love you for this reason…
Remember when you used to spend all day playing arcade fighting games against your friends, and you had that one buddy who just kept pressing the same attack button, over and over, leaving you no time to gather your thoughts and use your actual skills? That shit was cheap as…
Everyone wants to feel special and loved, but not everyone is a Very Important Person. Of course, if VIP is really about anything at all, it’s money and status and exclusivity. A person cannot be “very important” unless there are “less important” people at which to snicker and point from…
Some people become famous because they are incredible talents discovered at a young age. Others become famous because their parents treat the womb like a star factory. Hey, if you push enough kids into the spotlight, one of them is gonna have a hit. But when one kid becomes a…
Miley Cyrus and Morrissey are basically the same person. One is a lyrical genius shrouded in sexual mystery who speaks on behalf of intellectualism, animal rights, and sordid youths, defying borders and generations. The other is famous for a butt that resembles uncooked turkeys, being naked, and sticking her tongue…
The ’90s are back! The fashions, the music, the attitude. There are more people Rollerblading by the beach than we’ve seen in about 25 years. (Wow, it’s been too long!) Now, we couldn’t be more excited about the return of the most bleakly apathetic decade in pop culture. But along…
We are all quite aware that food celebrity, television host, prolific author, and hilarious asshole Anthony Bourdain is basically a rock ‘n’ roll guy. On the tube, he can often be seen palling around with Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, another funny, prickly professional shit-talker. And the theme…
Q: What’s the best part about Twitter? A: It’s not Facebook – or is it? A little birdy over at Business Insider told us the social media giant is considering doing away with the beloved “Retweet” in favor of a very Zuckerbergian “Share” option, and we think that’s just kind…
In 1992 I fell in love con una jevita named Donita. She was a beautiful gringita with purple hair and no culo, who liked to play guitar and sing about shit I had little understanding about mostly because, at the time, I only had ESOL Level 2. Here’s a picture…
Match is for desperados, eHarmony for old fogies, and Christian Mingle for closeted freaks, leading us cyber whores to the next best thing – Tinder. Meant to serve as an on-the-go service for both social and non-social single specimen, this dating app triggers and targets local hotties (and sometimes the…
Feeling cheesy this weekend? You’re in luck, because tomorrow is the “Crack Heard Around the World.” Last year, Whole Foods set a Guinness World Record title for the most wheels simultaneously cracked (426) and so they’ve decided to bring it back. At 3 p.m. tomorrow cheesemongers at stores across the…
I’ve always hated the use of the word Latino in American mass media, because it’s a blanket term that describes a myriad of different cultures. It promotes generalities and dilutes many different cultures into one big stereotype, in the minds of non-Latinos and to me. There is nothing I am…
Who’s the biggest hater in EDM? Do we even have to dignify that question with an answer? Deadmau5, AKA Joel Zimmerman, can’t go two weeks without making some headline about how he’s angry. Or he’s sad. Or he’s breaking up with his fiancée over Twitter. Or he’s quitting Twitter. Or…
If you follow the right people, your Instagram feed can be more than just another method of procrastination. Artists are often those right people because they know how to express themselves in ways that are visually appealing. This medium is tailor-made for them to play and us to watch. Here’s…
Another year, another Grammy show. This may have been the 56th run, but the Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences still can’t work out the kinks. It certainly wasn’t the worst Grammys we’ve ever seen, but there was plenty to bitch about. Some of the performances were groundbreaking, and some…
On the outside, it seems like Miami has all the necessary ingredients for fantastic sushi: a seaside location, an international culture, and a love of food. It turns out that’s not enough. We’re seriously lacking in the sushi department. Here are five reasons Miami sushi isn’t up to snuff. See…
