Pain in Transit? Tweating Up at NAOE Provides a Potent Antidote

You know a destination restaurant is worth the effort when not a drawbridge, cargo train, nor interstate construction can come between you and your meal. Such was the case when a gaggle of Grove- and Gables-based Tweeters severed the data stream for a few hours to taste real life in…

Share Your Favorite Churchill’s Memories

Oh Churchill’s. Everyone has a favorite (or a few favorite) awesome funny, strange, or just appalling memories of the place. (Anyone remember when a girl just peed on the dance floor during a Municipal Waste show a few years back? Also, personally, I will sadly never forget this chicken-mascot porn…

10 Music Stars Who Should Own a Piece of the Dolphins (Part 1)

The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who’s next? We’ve compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami who would be great partial…

Afrobeta is Blogging Now

Looks like Afrobeta has caught up with the times and have started a weblog, frequently shortened to “blog.” This is an online journal of sorts that may be made available to the public or to only a select subset of readers, depending on the author’s choice. In this case, the…

Ode to the Publix Cafe Lady

(To the tune of Adam Sandler’s Lunch Lady Land)Open up at 6 a.m.Got on my sage green polo Served croquetas de jamonCon un poco de amorGot no clue why we sell gallon jugs of milkJust know everything’s doing fineDown here at the Publix Cafe stand Yes I wear this net…

Pitbull Bites Back at a Wiseguy in Aspen

Colorado just doesn’t know: Don’t mess with Little Havana. This is a couple days old (and thus a million years in blog years), but in case you missed it, Pitbull bit back at a rowdy fan in Aspen. It’s really weird, actually, to imagine the rapper performing in the Rocky…

Castro Eats Hot Pockets

Funny things happen when you set three alarms at two minute intervals on your cellphone and you snooze each one. High velocity REM sleep dreams.Two days in a row I dreamt I called Castro’s office to interview him for Short Order.This morning I got through to his secretary. I thought…

Now On Open Table

Open Table pioneered reservation-making in the Big Apple, and has taken the world byte by juicy byte ever since. Um can we say IPO-oh baby! Miami’s catching on.  Some faves have yet to jump on the Internet reservation bandwagon, but many have recently converted to the platform or opened cyber-smartly;…

No, I’m Not Flo Rida, and Don’t Text Me Again

Remember a few weeks back when Flo Rida gave out his cell number during a CNN interview? His number is 305-528-2786. You’d have to be NASA to crack the code from this number to mine — or you’d have to be two adolescent fans of the head-spinning MC. Unknown texter (8:15 p.m.): Hey is…

Rare, Exotic Foods Maybe, Sorta, Kinda, Not Really Headed to South Florida

If you haven’t checked out New Times’ own handy restaurant guide, you really should – it’s an excellent resource for sorting restaurants by location, price range, features, critics’ choice, and, of course, cuisine. Plus, most entries in our database contain capsule reviews for those that like a quick read, plus…

Solo Sushi Needs Soy Sauce. Akashi Has Soy Sauce.

9:39 p.m. last night, my friend texted me, “Loving [Lil’] Kim on Dancing With the Stars!” While he was home watching B & C-Listers do the cha-cha – wasabi, crab and fresh-out-the-water tuna was doing the electric boogaloo on my tongue. Akashi’s South Miami outpost is potentially one of the…

The Friday Burrito Weekly Wrap-Up

Last week was crazy. Find out what Gail Shepherd was sayin’ ’bout your mom, why Michy is bent over the kitchen counter, and how to get cheese in a recession. Welcome to the Friday Burrito Weekly Wrap-Up…

Restaurants Must Die: A Poem

Restaurants die, it’s as basic as thatAs with people you just never know.Some exist as long as a mountain flatOthers have lifespans like snow.”High rent and costs,” the owners say”Competition is obscene.”Yet some joints rock both night and dayWith a bar scene in between.So many theories have been passedBut it…

Food Media: From Chutzpah To Mein Kampf

“One of the most accomplished, respected, and charismatic chefs in the world.” Of course you’ve probably guessed that we are speaking of Miami’s own Adrianne Calvo, 24-year old chef/owner of Adrianne’s Vineyard Restaurant & Wine Bar. What’s that? Never heard of her? Well if you’ve got $91.99 to shell out,…

PETA’s Super Bowl Advert is Banned, Legions of Sports Fans Indifferent

Just how irrelevant has PETA become? The one-time-animal-rights-organization-turned-ludicrous-marketing-machine long ago gave up trying to reach people with reasoned arguments about the sanctity of all life or the wastefulness of our meat-happy culture. Instead they’ve adopted a fairly standard marketing strategy with which to convert confused meaties: 1) Create supposedly offensive…

Died in a Plane Crash Last Night at Churchill’s

I had this epiphany last night, while I was sitting at the Churchill’s bar sipping my third Jack and Coke: Every single bar in Miami (and possibly the whole country) has at least one TV set tuned to ESPN at all times. I went outside and saw Penny talking to…

Musings: South Beach Wine & Food, Midtown and Root Beer

In light of the upcoming South Beach Wine & Food Festival, I propose a law requiring that no posted photo of any Food Network personality ever exceed the size of a postage stamp. Our fine dining establishments are much improved in terms of the quality of cuisine served, but they’ve…