Kanye West’s I Am God and Ten Other Terrible Album Titles

Confidence is sexy. But someone forgot to tell Kanye West about the rule of subtlety. Personally, we think the egomaniacal musician is the genius he claims to be. But all things in moderation. No doubt, his forthcoming album will be a righteous game-changer, inevitably topping charts, and burrowing into our…

Packaged Food Kills: Too Much Sodium From Infancy to Adulthood

At a meeting of the American Heart Association yesterday, data was presented that indicates there are high levels of sodium in packaged food made for toddlers. I’ve gotten flack about this column for my stance that food should bear clear and obvious labels that show nutritional and artificial-sweetener data. The…

How Ultra Music Festival and WMC Are Hurting Miami

As the Dissident, J.J. Colagrande turns his critical eye on Miami culture. This week: how the annual mega-rave that is Ultra and WMC makes Miami a second-class city. Miami is in the middle of a cultural and intellectual renaissance. We’re finally evolving from a stale reputation leftover from the ’80s…

Dairy Industry Aims to Use Aspartame Secretly

The International Dairy Foods Association (IDFA) and the National Milk Producers Federation want to be able to use aspartame without having to include it on product labels, as is currently required by law. The FDA has been ignoring the petition, which was filed in 2009. Until now. The agency is…

U.S. Government Spends Your Tax Dollars Advertising Food Stamps In Mexico

The Daily Caller this morning reports that the U.S. government has been spending money advertising our food stamp program in other countries. “Contrary to sound policy, the United States is spending money advertising food stamp benefits in foreign consulates,” states a Thursday evening press release from the office of Sen…

Six Signs EDM Has Totally Sold Out

Did you know EDM is a big moneymaker? Nothing sells better than sex, drugs, and uhntz uhntz. And now, thanks to modern technology, you don’t even have to be a respectable, talented DJ to cash in on the molly moola express. Corporations are dying to sign contracts with these party…

Pepe Billete’s Open Letter to Lil Wayne

Dear Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr.,Acere, it looks like it’s time for you to start re-evaluating your public image and the legacy you’re going to leave behind for your kids to follow. Right now, as far as the human race goes, you’re a step below una cucaracha con trensas. In the…

Japanese Chopstick Etiquette: Stop Rubbing Your Waribashi Together!

Waribashi are wooden, disposable chopsticks — the kind available in just about every Japanese restaurant in Miami. The tapered eating utensils are packaged in white paper, which is typically printed with instructions for use. But most patrons skip these instructions. They already know where to place their thumbs and index…

Super Bowl: Six Shittiest Musical Commercials

So the Super Bowl turned 47. And as we all know, the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers in a surprisingly hectic second-half, Beyonce reunited with her Destiny’s Child homies, and the game stopped for a full 34 minutes when half of the stadium’s the power mysteriously went out…

FoodGossip305 & NotChowfather: Miami Twitterverse’s Mean Girls

Did you notice the Mean Girls-style action going on on Twitter this weekend? Chances are you did. But if you didn’t, Miami’s food industry gained two new handles to look after: @FoodGossip305 and @NotChowFather. Leading the anonymous secret spiller pack in late December was @MiamiFoodGossip. Short Order has tried to…