Uncle Luke, the man whose booty shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke speaks up for neglected, abused children. It’s time to abolish or overhaul the Florida Department of Children…
Bro!!!!!! Did you hear bro?!?!? Gov. Rick Scott is such a buzz kill bro!!! He just signed a law that makes it illegal for smoke shops to sell just about every pipe bro!!! Glass, wooden, acrylic, stone, metal, with or without screens, with carubretion!!! We’re gonna have to stock up…
Have you seen the new Kraft Zesty salad dressing ad campaign? Like so many other products mostly bought by frazzled women trying to balance work, family, and sleep, they feature a little harmless beefcake to go with your greens. The commercials show the “Zesty Guy” making some of his favorite…
Alright, so the Miami may have lost to the San Antonio last night. But there’s still no denying that LeBron, D-Wade, Bosh, Birdman, Miller, and all the über-talented ballers that make up el Heat are better than Parker, Duncan, Ginóbili, and the rest of those goofs from the Spurs. And…
Oh, I’ll miss the Shuckers deck. I have spent a lot of time there eating small crustaceans. One time, I arrived early to meet friends and I was stuck in that awkward point in a bar where you just order a drink and try to sip it by yourself, pacing…
Dear PETA, I’m writing on behalf of everyone in the world who is fortunate enough to have a sense of humor. Last night I came across your letter to Dr. Len Lucero of Clermont, Florida — an angel of a man — one who took in a disabled pig and…
What started out as a fun evening with friends took a tragic turn when the waterfront deck at Shuckers Bar & Grill in North Bay Village collapsed during the Miami Heat game, sending about 100 people tumbling into the water. As cheers for the home team turned into screams, restaurant…
Since winning a seat on the Miami City Commission in 2009, Francis Suarez worked hard to forge his own political identity and avoid the type of absentee ballot voter fraud scandal that derailed his father’s mayoral run in 1997. But now the young Cuban American Republican is in full damage…
A dispute over a locked gate prompted Miami attorney John Ruiz, operator of La Ley Sports Complex in Homestead, to call the police on Mayor Steven Bateman this past March 7. According to a recently released investigative report, Ruiz accused Bateman of cutting the lock to the northwest gate of…
The Miami Mayor’s race is still five months away, but a majority of the city’s politically influential power brokers are lining up behind Commissioner Francis Suarez, who is looking to take out popular incumbent Tomas Regalado with more than one million bucks in his campaign war chest. Regalado has his…
Last month, 25-year-old college dropout Chris Delamo set off on a grand trek through our concrete jungle. The political provocateur planned to spend a week without shelter in order to film a documentary about homelessness in Miami. “It’s going to be like Urban Survivor Man,” he told Riptide. We gave…
Say what you wanna say, but the ’90s rocked! Hip-hop was at its prime, koosh balls were all the craze, and grunge was the way to go. Although we’re waaay past the era of the Fresh Prince, Tamagotchi’s, and Game Boys, that didn’t stop us from partying like it was…
I know that “CSA” is the wrong term for what I received on my doorstep the other day. But, for the life of me, I’m not sure what else to call it. Maybe the name of the program — Goodies — says it all. I’ve been on the waiting list…
Did Jeffrey Bartel’s vicious public beef with his former employer, Florida Power & Light, cost him a seat on the host committee for the 14th Annual Mayor’s Ball this Saturday? Sources tell Banana Republican Bartel was thrown off the illustrious gala’s board about a week ago when FPL representatives voiced…
At Pirolo’s Panino pop-up at Macchialina, you can pick from sandwiches that are conventional or playful. Order the Jive Turkey sandwich. Get house-roasted turkey breast, tomato, and Dijonaise thronged by thick bread, which is toasted and smothered in butter. Although the menu listed lettuce as an ingredient, I won’t mutter…
Earlier this week, the Miami-Dade County Commission approved an 8 percent rate increase to water and sewer bills, which means homeowners will begin paying about $4 more a month on their average water bill. The funds are meant to cover the cost of issuing $4.2 billion — yes that’s with…
Did you know that there’s a chocolate factory right here in Miami that specializes in private label productions and premium label sweets? We’ve got our own version of Willy Wonka, and it’s called Tierra Nueva. The local chocolate-makers launched here two years ago, but just recently they’ve introduced a new…
On Memorial Day weekend, Miami Beach did a helluva job making sure African-Americans didn’t feel welcome in the city. For the second straight year, the city’s police department turned South Beach into a militarized zone to handle the 300,000-plus predominantly black visitors. With the help of police, the city installed…
Dennis the Menace Attention fiend: Your profile of Dennis Rodman (“Reinventing Rodman,” Terrence McCoy, May 30) proves that the day people stop noticing him is the same day he blows his own brains out. For now, this big tough-guy baby has garnered world championships, international fame, and — for now…
A Miami-Dade County bureaucrat who evoked Jewish mob king Meyer Lansky’s name to orchestrate shady deals ripped off taxpayers to the tune of $3 million in a decade. During an afternoon press conference yesterday, Miami-Dade State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle unveiled charges of racketeering, fraud, grand-theft, extortion and other white-collar…
Miami, we may argue about a lot of things. But if there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that the White Hot Heat are gonna win! LeBron, D-Wade, Bosh, and crew have a way of uniting all sorts of people. Even the ones who can’t afford a…
If it wasn’t already official, it is now: North Miami has the sleaziest politics in Dade. Consider the town’s latest tangled web, which involves a finalist for mayor getting secretly recorded talking about her lady parts. In the days leading up to the May 14 city election, candidate Lucie Tondreau…
