Welcome to The Weeknd’s Kiss Land. It is a glitteringly cold, irreversibly twisted, bleakly sexy netherworld where we’re “all faded off the wrong thing” and we “gotta pay with [our bodies].” You know, a lot like Miami. There is a “room where the kisses ain’t free.” (But the Adderall cocktails…
Have you tried miracle fruit? The small red berry, native to West Africa, contains a protein called miraculin, which binds with our taste buds and, when introduced to acids, makes sour taste sweet. Called “LSD for your mouth,” the fruit creates a result that’s supposed to be strange. There’s a…
Michael Gongora is a Miami Beach commissioner running for mayor. On his campaign website, the commish touts his corruption-fighting credentials, boldly proclaiming he engineered the dismissal of shady city employees who violated the public’s trust. “Now, thanks to my leadership,” Gongora boasts on his website, “City Hall is more transparent.”…
After two turbulent seasons as head coach of the University of Miami football program, Al Golden is taking the U back to national prominence this year. The defense’s dominating performance against the University of Florida earlier this month proves Goldie is on the right track. In fact, the Canes will…
Tattoo Wait Debate Or is it weight?: In regard to Allie Conti’s September 19 story, “Ink Stink,” maybe we should do this with restaurants also. I feel hungry, but damn I have to wait 24 hours because by eating now, I could be making a mistake because My Fitness Pal…
Tenderloins are the cookies of the beef world. They’re selfish, ideal for one patron to consume in just a few mouthfuls. But larger steaks, such as porterhouses and rib eyes, are like layer cakes: generous, indulgent, and meant to be shared. Because these cuts usually cost more than filets, we’ve…
Sef Gonzalez isn’t just the Burger Beast of food blog fame. He’s the sultan of stick-to-your-ribs food, the powerhouse of pastelitos, and Miami’s all-seeing, all-eating king of comfort food. Last night, at Sakaya Kitchen Downtown, the king himself mingled with his loyal foodie followers at his five-year Blogiversary party, a…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke predicts a golden season for the Miami Hurricanes. After two turbulent seasons as head coach of the…
A canopy of black and white balloons welcomed ladies in headbands and coral and purple tribal-printed dresses, and men in blue plaid button-downs and straw fedora hats as they made their way through the doors of the Vagabond Miami. Celebrating its fifth birthday, the 30 NE 14th Street watering hole…
For most of us schlubs, death is the end. But for an influential artist, it is only the beginning. In fact, there is a guy who has made his entire lucrative career from steering the estates of dead icons including Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and the street-wise prophet Tupac Shakur…
Hey there Florida gun owners. Feeling a little more paranoid than usual these days? Don’t trust the government can protect you from potential menaces when you’re catching a flight out of Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, or Miami? The Transportation Security Administration certainly seems to think you’re all freaking out. The airport…
Yesterday, we noted El Nuevo Herald’s scoop about Miami-Dade Police public corruption detectives going HAM on their overtime hours while investigating a quartet of park employees who pocketed a few thousand bucks. According to El Nuevo Herald, the investigators clocked 934 hours of overtime, collecting $58,288 to nab four men…
Two years ago, he serenaded his entrenched opponent, Miami Beach Mayor Matti Herrera Bower, by having Sexy Sax Man play “Careless Whisper” for her during a city commission meeting. He cut a campaign video enumerating his pledges while slamming shots of booze and declared himself de facto leader of an…
I have a bone to pick with the wordsmiths at Oxford English Dictionary. Last month, they added “twerk” to their online edition. They define it as a verb that describes dancing to “popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance.” Company spokeswoman…
Whodunnit? And what was the motive?: Terrence McCoy’s September 12 article about the woman wrongly sentenced to death, “Set Her Free,” was incredible (and well written). Nicely done. One thing I don’t get (and maybe I missed it as I was watching Jose Fernandez pitch his final game of the…
In early August, Miami-Dade Police made a big hullabaloo about busting four county employees who allegedly pocketed about $3,100 in entrance fees to Amelia Earhart Park in Hialeah. Well, now it turns out the bigger thieves were actually the detectives investigating Jamal Sheffield, Charles Simons, Camilo Felipe and Manuel Valdes…
Miami-Dade County Water and Sewer Department Chief John Renfrow claimned yesterday that a new $77 million pipe under Government Cut set a standard by being done on time and on budget. That is hogwash, if you believe what he is reported to have said a year ago. And it masks…
The 44th season of Sesame Street premiered Monday and the show and its Muppets are still as fresh and topical as the first year they were introduced. For over four decades, the children’s show has taught children to read, share their toys, count, and deal with a number of heavy…
Uncle Luke, the man who made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gives his take on the dance that is sweeping the nation. I’ve got a bone to pick with the word…
The single animal that Miami kids grew up with is gone. White tiger Carlita, who was born in 1992 and moved to the zoo in 1994, was euthanized after a lengthy illness. She is irreplaceable. Carlita had replaced another tiger, Lucknow, who killed a trainer that same year…
Bottles of Patrón, Stoli, Cîroc, and Hennessey line the floor-to-ceiling shelves of Mac Klein’s closet-sized office in the back of the sticky floor and smoky room of Mac’s Club Deuce. Somewhere in between a wooden desk and a stack of books, newspaper clippings, and portraits of a handsome 20-something-year-old Klein…
Get this: The national engineering firm in the driver’s seat to oversee Miami-Dade’s $1.6 billion overhaul of the county’s monumentally dilapidated sewer system has a history of violating the Clean Water Act, mishandling radioactive waste, billing for phantom work, and paying kickbacks. In most places, that track record would get…
