Like the dementors stalking Harry Potter in The Prisoner of Azkaban, the demands of citizenship pursue the bedeviled Bitch wherever she goes, even within the haven of the Miami-Dade County Law Library in the Richard E. Gerstein Justice Building. While brushing up on her pro se skills, she was approached…
It’s been seven months since Carlos Alvarez was sworn into office. That should have been more than enough time for Miami-Dade’s newest mayor to learn a morning rush-hour shortcut to work, figure out his e-mail, record a snappy voice-mail greeting, and finally do something — anything — mayoral. Instead the…
Kulchur and Castro: Simpatico An obvious conclusion drawn from this slander against Luis Posada Carriles: I did not like the general tone of Brett Sokol’s column about Luis Posada Carriles (“Terror Alert, Miami Style,” June 2). He wrote, “Posada, who is believed to be the mastermind of the 1976 midair…
The Bitch recently had the honor of interviewing Hinsul Lazo, the 48-year-old native of Pinar del Río, Cuba, and owner of Museo del Disco, an insurgent CD and DVD store occupying a West Miami-Dade warehouse. The Bitch: Um, so you’ve called me a bunch of times trying to get me…
Baaaaa, Baaaaa It’s not NPR, and it’s a long way from Miami, but at least there’s no potty talk: There are three forms of talk radio that require no talent to execute: gardening shows, partisan political bickering (by elephants and jackasses alike), and potty talk. Banter about orgasms and manhood…
Sometimes it’s embarrassing to live in Miami, and sometimes it’s downright scary — scary enough to make locals blanch — turn white as sheets, even. Yet people are shy, if not subtle, about expressing such discomfort. Rather than simply observing the obvious — that a lot of mostly young, mostly…
As journalistic flareups go, it was hardly on the scale of Newsweek igniting a fresh round of Middle Eastern jihad. Still the May 17 secret press conference and subsequent arrest of legendary anti-Castro militant Luis Posada Carriles was a classic, only-in-Miami media moment, one in which a flock of reporters…
Best Self-Promotion Karaoke? Got your karaoke right here: Once again Miami New Times has failed to actually conduct research before choosing the best of anything (“Best of Miami,” May 12). I run Karaoke Miami, which has several locations in Miami-Dade. Any one of the places I run, or any run…
Shakespeare-referencing HBO series Deadwood gave viewers a season finale that began with a funeral and ended with a wedding yet left an impression more tragic than comedic. A Miami Beach-based Bitch TV focus group resoundingly approved of the South Dakota serial, with the male specimens enthusiastic over the episode’s depictions…
It’s hard to imagine another major city in America with as many closeted politicians as Miami. No, not closeted about being gay — in the closet about being Democrats. Whatever shortcomings Alex Penelas may have had as county mayor (and as a Democrat), he had few qualms about making county…
Bullet Time: Off Target Errors mar otherwise lousy article: Regarding Francisco Alvarado’s “Bullet Time” (May 5), I must point out some factual errors. Taking a class at a gun show does not allow one to simply walk out with a concealed-weapon permit. Rather upon successful completion you are presented with…
Just how tough is it being a red-state Democrat these days? “I inherited a party that’s broke,” grimaces Jimmy Morales, the new chairman of the Miami-Dade Democratic Party, likening his job only half-jokingly to one of “herding cats.” Indeed, while talk of loyal party apparatchiks tends to conjure up visions…
Stench of Dead Rats Rotting corpses, scuzz, grime — what an embarrassment of riches! Thanks to The Bitch for writing about our collective launch of St. Mary’s Art District (“Plague Dog,” April 21). We love the area and pray that The Bitch was right about the stench of dead rats…
“Somehow I just knew he would look great in a dress,” Robert Desiderio pronounces, casting a regal gaze across the room at Shelley Novak, one of South Beach’s most notorious drag queens. That Desiderio, or “Desi” as he’s usually called, is being absolutely serious only heightens the joke. After all,…
Picture Worth Several Choice Words Let’s start with shamefully stigmatizing: Thank you so much for the cover photo for Rebecca Wakefield’s article “Social Promotion” (April 21). It has been awhile since any member of my family got to wear their yellow stars on their shirts to identify them as part…
The Bitch was fascinated by an ad for a hearse posted by one of her Gothic music pack mates, so she called death-coach owner Stivan Widick to ask him why he was selling his beloved Sarah. Turns out Widick, creative director of Persistence of Vision Motion Picture Arts, has a…
Spending an afternoon on South Beach with Ray Breslin is a bit like stepping into the closing scenes of Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. Although Breslin never hollers out: “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building & Loan!” as he buoyantly walks Kulchur through a block-by-block tour of his neighborhood,…
Caught on Tape: Kill the Messenger Yes, innocent until proven guilty, but $50,000 for a real-estate deal? Why is it that in select cases, when people don’t like the message, they attack the messenger? That’s what happened in “Caught on Tape” (April 14). I thought Francisco Alvarado and Rebecca Wakefield’s…
It is no secret The Bitch is obsessed with the UPN reality series America’s Next Top Model. This fascination is based largely on the show’s begetting the very best line ever uttered on television — “That ho poured a beer on my weave!” — and the fact this exclamation came…
Keith Menin spent last Saturday night with a large grin plastered on his face. He had good reason to smile as throngs of fashion-forward partiers surged around him at the opening for his family’s Sanctuary Hotel — the latest entrant in South Beach’s ever-expanding “boutique” condo-hotel market. In 1986, according…
Not Everyone Can Be a Rap Star But Timbaland can show the kids how to be healthy: I’d like to thank Mosi Reeves for his article about super producer Timbaland (Tim Mosely) and his new-found infatuation with physical fitness (“Organic Produce,” April 7). Timbaland is a perfect example for many…
The four members of Ride were still teenagers when their 1990 album Nowhere created the musical blueprint for romantic, transporting washes of soft-loud guitar feedback subsequently known as shoegazer. Disbanded by 1996, Ride has occasionally re-formed for one-off concerts and enjoys growing retrospective critical adoration. Mark Gardener, the singer-guitarist for…
