Last week we aimed the spotlight at ten overpriced restaurant dishes; this week we go the other way. I would like to have called this The 5 Best Restaurant Dishes For $10 Or Under, but there are way too many great deals in town to warrant so declarative a statement.For…
The election season in the City Beautiful is entering the home stretch. Coral Gables voters will be casting their ballots for mayor and two city commissioners on April 12. The latest quarterly campaign finance reports show the candidates have raised a total of more than $685,000. City residents can meet…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke — who is a candidate to replace more-boring-than-bread-pudding Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez — explains his plan to…
People who use Vicks Inhalers are either (a) suffering from severe nasal congestion, or (b) rolling balls at Ultra Music Festival. Each year in March, we buy stock in Procter and Gamble, knowing very well that inhaler sales will skyrocket during the days leading up to the fest. And no,…
Ultra Music Festival is for lovers. We saw so many cute raver couples giving each other little back rubs and blowing kisses at one another while dancing to the beat of house music. Some shared water bottles by pouring ice-cold H20 over their heads. Others professed their love for each…
Everyone knows the best way to smuggle drugs is stashing that weight inside something that’s not typically associated with illicitness, i.e hollowed-out copies of holy texts, extra-large coconuts, live Labrador retriever puppies, etc. So stuffing your four-year-old niece’s Hello Kitty backpack full of pills isn’t a bad strategy for evading…
Eleven days ago, we reported on Richard Moss, the director of the Miami-Dade College police academy with some very bad marks on his resume, including a demotion from captain to commander for insubordination when he was with the Broward County Sherriff’s Office. Since taking the helm of the basic training…
Twenty-year-old Miguel Pando is a tanning butler. His job: to stroll around the Ritz-Carlton South Beach pool and beach and offer tanning supplies to guests. Oh, and to also apply the tanning lotion on hard-to-reach body parts like backs, shoulders, and necks. Michelle Payer, the hotel’s public relations director, created…
If you’re at an all-day electro fest like Ultra Music Festival, then you have to dress the part. And this weekend, we saw it all. A dude dressed like Waldo, guys in latex, girls wearing little more than body paint, etc., etc., etc. But our favorite rave regalia accessory was…
Recently, an old friend uncovered a photo from our “rave” days. She was sort of horrified by the goggles, gigantic pant legs, and the teeny tiny shirt she’s wearing in the picture. The thing is, that shit was cool then, right? Right??? Right. For years it seemed like no one…
Cuba’s communist government is looking to disrupt James Cason’s run for Coral Gables mayor, bringing some Cold War era spookiness to the City Beautiful’s election season. Earlier this month, the American ex-diplomat, whom Fidel Castro nicknamed “El Cabo Cason,” was accused by the country’s state-run newspaper Granma of “pocketing money…
Pity the man pictured here. After all, how many times would you have to be (metaphorically) touched by an uncle (named, say, Fred) for your brain to turn to such mush that on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Key West all you want to do is hold signs declaring that…
Marley Fest and Ultra Music Festival — these two events have a lot in common. Both are in downtown Miami. Both attract an international crowd. And both are a safe haven for dreadlocks. At Marley Fest, the dreads are often genuine and found on smelly dudes. But at Ultra, they’re made of…
Yes, we here at Crossfade are degenerate gamblers. And 12 days ago, we proved it by laying down a few bets on the outcome of the Beatport Music Awards. Well, the winners have been announced and we totally fucking cleaned up! The Beatport industry self-congratulations session went down last night…
There’s nothing creepier than watching a nearly naked full-grown adult (male or female) fiendishly suck on a little rubber nipple while writhing and humping to hardcore techno. That’s called acting like a horny baby. And it’s wrong in a million different ways. By some miracle, though, Crossfade found Leah, a…
SLRs are the new iPods. And whether you have press credentials or not, a detachable lens is the hottest accessory at Ultra Music Festival. Want to meet girls? Buy a camera. Want to sneak past security and into the photo pit? Buy a camera. Want to sweat your ass off…
We all know the human body consists of 60- to 70-percent water. And that’s why your friendly family doctor suggests that every human being should suck back several liters of liquid per day. Neglecting your body’s need for pure, precious H2O will result in constipation, chapped lips, cold hands, lack…
One of the quintessential Ultra Music Festival experiences that rarely gets any press is the average attendee’s trip to the port-a-potty. Well, I was waiting in line last night at 10:14 p.m. trying not to piss my pants and thought, “Somebody’s gotta document it. Why not me?” But whipping out…
Sure, Ultra Music Festival’s a good time. But if you aren’t careful, it can get the better of you. Greater men (and ladies) than you have fallen waste to the onslaught of this three day electro extravaganza. So there’s a decent chance that you might have, in the midst of…
OMFG, the Ultra Music Festival grounds are littered with glowsticks. There are red ones, blue ones, green ones, bright ones, dull ones, dead ones, smashed ones, fat ones, skinny ones, short ones, long ones, and some you don’t even want to touch for fear of dibutyl phthalate contamination and STDs…
Holy crap, how could we forget? The non-relevant ’80s band! Of course, this particular Ultra Bingo square was explicitly concocted in honor of Duran Duran. Just look closely and you’ll see that the illustration is actually the cover of 1983’s multi-platinum Rio. But when we were at Ultra Music Festival…
Late last night, just as midnight hit and the Ultra Music Festival’s Main Stage MC was breaking up the party, we saw an enormous creature pop out of a hole in the ground. We were like, “WTF?” And then we took a closer look … It was actually a human…
