I Just Want a Dolphins Win

As you’ve probably may have guessed from being a regular here, I’m no fun to be around during a Dolphins game. I yell, I kick, I throw shit. I’m even more aggressive when I’m at a game. A buddy of mine was able to score a couple of Club level…

Old People, Brooke Hogan Beat Governor

At the Miami Heat game Tuesday…. The Golden Oldies, time-out dancers with soft bellies, gray hair and jiggling thighs earned with age, shook to booty music. (Boisterous applause, knee-slapping laughter, giggles) Then, the sexy, hair-tossing twenty-somethings clicked across the court in heels and pranced while some seemed to long for…

Unleash the Power of the Mormon

Both the Palm Beach Post and the Miami Herald are calling for Cam Cameron to cut John Beck’s cord and let him fucking sling the rock already. I added the fucking for emphasis. Says Greg Stoda: “Let [Beck] heave more than one deep toss to Ted Ginn Jr … Have…

Police Believe Sean Taylor was “Random” Victim

Whenever media spotlights shine on the early death of a celebrity like Sean Taylor, the tragedy somehow becomes symbolic of something larger. Maybe it’s fear or a desire to put our finger on something that we feel we can control. If we figure out what caused it, maybe we can…

God Hates the Dolphins

My eyes are bloodshot. My hair is disheveled. My stomach hurts. I’m a zombie. I’m beyond my normal bouts of rage after a Dolphins’ loss. I’m beyond just the normal throwing the toaster at my television. I’m beyond flinging empty Heineken bottles at my dog. This loss makes me want…

Redskins Safety Sean Taylor Shot in Florida Home

News wires are reporting that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor, who attended the University of Miami, was shot in his Palmetto Bay home early this morning. Miami’s ABC-TV 10 is reporting that Taylor was shot in the groin around 1:45 Monday morning. The police are investigating whether the shooting was…

Hankerin For Some D-Mac

Got a bunch of e-mails regarding my post from Friday. Apparently I was a bit ambiguous about my stance on the whole Darren McFadden thing. Sorry. Stuffing, Tryptophan and a shit load of Jack and Coke had me feeling a little funky after that Arkansas-LSU game. So here’s where I…

Today’s Arkansas-LSU Matchup Offers Promising Draftees

So you’ve come back home from your 4:00 a.m. shopping spree at Wal-Mart and BrandsMart USA, where you got that 52″ plasma TV for yourself (half off!) and The Best of Ralph Macchio DVD boxed set for your brother-in-law (also half-off!), and plunked yourself down on the couch to waste…

NASCAR Exists! Or, A Rocket Ship to Nowhere

I regard Nascar in the same way that lunatics consider Free Masonry: It’s everywhere. It generates millions of dollars and seems to hold a considerable sway over half the country’s hearts and minds. And yet, I hardly see it anywhere. I don’t know anybody who cares about Nascar. I’m only…

John Beck Will Start

According to Armando Salguero, Cam Cameron is expected to announce today that John Beck will start against the Eagles on Sunday. As it is, I won’t have to stab Cam with a trident. Anyway, you all know I’ve been calling for this to happen since, like, Week 3. Better late…

Either Cam Cameron Is Retarded, or John Beck Sucks

Today’s the day. The day Cam Cameron is supposed to come out and announce that John Beck will be getting the start against Philly this weekend. We all see it coming right? I mean, after all, Cam was non-committal about naming Cleo Lemon as the starter for this week after…

The Miami Dolphins are on the Clock

Yep. We did it! The Miami Dolphins are now officially the worst team in the NFL. You just knew it. In the pit of your stomach. You knew the Fins were going to find a way to screw it up and give a game away that clearly should have been…

The Wrath of Cam

“I went back and looked at the tape and remembered all the good things he’s done. He’s aware of the things he has to improve on,” Cam Cameron said of starting Dolphins quarterback Cleo Lemon. “John Beck has been one play away from playing several weeks now. He’s progressing, doing…

Are You Smarter Than a Miami Dolphin?

This Sunday, our Dolphins flew across the pond to play the New York Giants at London’s Wembley Stadium. And while in England, they did the obvious — they lost. But for once, the teams’ 0-8 record wasn’t what the guys over at ESPN were all abuzz about. Last Wednesday at…

Across the Pond For Yet Another Ass-Whuppin’

Well, turns out the Dolphins suck on pretty much whatever continent they play on. The UK game came and went, the NFL finally got to force itself down the throats of the Brits while having their sport showcased on a field that matched the shittiness of the teams playing on…

Marlins Win World Series!

OK so now I’m pissed. On the same day, the Marlins — oop, I mean Red Sox — win the World Series and the New York Times reports that former Marlins manager of the year Joe Girardi is the leading candidate to take over the Yankees. Oh yeah and did…

Dolphins on Path to Winless Season

Dolphins fans couldn’t do much but hide their faces Sunday as the team fell to 0-7 AP Photo Everybody knows the 0-7 Dolphins are bad. But after Sunday’s nausea-inducing loss to the New England Patriots, Miami looks like it has a legitimate shot at being the first 0-16 team in…

Rolle, Ahsha, Rolle!

A Miami Shores tenisista is getting national recognition at the U.S. Open this week. Ahsha Rolle (number 109) beat 17th ranked Tatiana Golovin in the tournament’s first round, a mind-blowing upset. Then in the sedcond, she whacked 57th ranked Karin Knapp in three sets. A picture of Rolle, who was…