Like countries in a Middle East arms race, Miami-area high school football teams have spent the last nine months developing top-secret weapons to unload on their unsuspecting opponents.Trick plays, revamped offenses, and last-minute transfer students will all be on display tonight as the high school football season begins.For local title-hopeful…
The reaction across the board has been pretty universal after Florida Marlins owner Jeffery Loria and team president David Samson were exposed for lying about the team’s finances earlier this week: People are pissed. Miami-Dade County Commissioner Rebecca Sosa has even requested the team give more money than they originally pledged…
Local high school Miami Central has the second best football team in the nation, according to a new poll by USA Today.The poll pointed to Central’s 12 returning starters (six on offense, six on defense) in picking them ahead of bitter rival Northwestern, who did not make the top 25.But…
Hanley Ramirez showed up at the Mets’ Citi Field last night with a splotchy reddish dye job that made him look like the deranged love child of Sisqo and Ronald McDonald. But he had four hits in the Marlins’ win, so we’re guessing he’ll stay with the look. Turns out…
Adopting an alter ego for a commercial is a time-honored tradition among NBA players. There was Larry Johnson’s Grandma Ma, Penny Hardaway’s Lil Penny, and of course LeBron James’s multi-personality turn in Nike’s “The LeBrons” commercials. Now Dwyane Wade has joined the tradition, shilling for Gatorade as a sports store clerk…
According to multiple reports, the Miami Dolphins have traded popular wide receiver Greg Camarillo to the Minnesota Vikings. While the move helps open roster spots for younger, faster (and healthier) receivers like Marlon Moore and Patrick Turner to make the final 53-man roster, the news still tugs at the heartstrings…
Liberty City-native Chad Ochocinco failed to find love with his own VH1 reality show, but as luck would have it he’s apparently found love another star from the channel’s reality TV line-up: Basketball Wives’ Evelyn Lozada, the ex-fiancé of former Heat player Antoine Walker and owner of a shoe boutique on…
Saturday night was quite a night for both football and meteorology enthusiasts. After nearly a two-hour weather delay, the Miami Dolphins went out and defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 27-26. It’s the second-straight win for the Fins, and a second-straight week where they had to overcome a wrath-of-God Old Testament monsoon…
Marlins catcher Ronny Paulino is not exactly the slimmest slugger on the roster. Like a trophy housewife he often struggles with his weight, and decided to take the easy way out and get some pharmaceutical help. That’s his story anyway. Paulino claims the weight loss pills led to his positive…
If there were a word to describe the Dolphins first-team performance last week against the Buccaneers, that word would probably be ass. Dropped passes, bad quarterback play, and a crapload of offensive line penalties kept the Fins in a quagmire of shittiness. It didn’t help that they had to play…
Evidently, Stephen Ross hasn’t quite finished his quest to make the Miami Dolphins the biggest laughing stock in the NFL. Because now that he’s brought in A-list celebrities like Gloria Estefan and Jennifer Lopez to become part-owners of the team, Ross is moving on to phase two: He’s going to…
John Mayer — a man who makes music that sounds like Wonder Bread tastes — has a sneaky little plan for his upcoming South Florida concert. Get this: He will wear a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. LOLOLOLOL HAHAHA, so clever! What a comedic genius this guy is! Actually, no. Shut up,…
Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game…
LeBron James is the cover boy for the all-important September issue of GQ, and in the interview, he has some perplexing things to say about Cleveland. Namely, that growing up in nearby Akron, he kind of hated Cleveland, but he’s open to the idea of one day returning to the…
Normally when a sports star gets arrested on drug charges, it’s the athlete who has to answer the hard questions. But following yesterday’s arrest of Miami Heat fan favorite Udonis Haslem, it’s the Florida Highway Patrol that seems to have some explaining to do…
If the NBA were a Disney sports movie, the Miami Heat would be the team of freakishly large, scowling kids who pull up to games in an all-black bus, wear Dolph Lundren buzz cuts, and scare the crap out of the scrappy underdogs. The upcoming season will be a lot more…
There are several things we can glean from the Dolphins 10-7 pre-season win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this past Saturday: Pat White is probably done, the Marlins infield is where football goes to die and Dolphins fans remain pretty irrational after just one meaningless game. What’s that? Brandon Marshall…
Miami Dolphins football is back! And although it’s a meaningless preseason game where the starters will see less than five minutes of playing time, it’s still football. And you will watch it because you love it. And you will pick some random anonymous bench player who has a great game…
Brandon Marshall probably would have been the biggest accusation of the off season for a Miami team if it wasn’t for that whole LeBron thing. Maybe he was worried we forgot about him, so he decided to say something ridiculous to garner some attention. See Marshall thinks there’ll definitely be…
Dearest Miami Heat: Why, oh why, do you hate Miami New Times so very much?You aren’t still pissed that we called your owner, Micky Arison, a “greedy corporate pig,” are you? Are your feelings still hurt because we superimposed his face on a gigantic swine for the cover? Perhaps you’re…
Do you find yourself unconsciously smashing things: strangers on the street, shopping carts, trash cans, or stray poodles? Do you have an irresistible urge to sprint until you puke; wear a jockstrap; or put eye black on like Cristina Kirchner?Fear not, friend. Your time has come.Yesterday was the first day…
What makes an NFL team successful? For the coach, players and fans it means winning games. For the owner and front office it also means making lots of money. According to a new analysis from Portfolio.com, your Miami Dolphins ranked near the bottom in both categories in 2009. Of the league’s 32 teams,…
