While the Miami Heat paraded down Biscayne Boulevard on Monday, hoisting their trophy from the top of double-decker buses, all Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen could do was watch. He’d been there before. Once as a member of the coaching staff of the 2003 Marlins, and again as the manager of…
In bad news for the USA Basketball team (but sort of good news for next season’s Miami Heat), Dwyane Wade has announced that he’ll be undergoing knee surgery this summer and will not be traveling with the team to the London Olympics…
During the NBA finals, local porn stars Angelina Castro and Sara Jay made a bet with two of their Oklahoma City counterparts: If their team won, they’d give the team’s fans free blowjobs. Now, Castro and Jay are making plans to keep their word. Yes, a free blowjob for anyone…
This week has been a big one for Miami. President Obama and Marc Anthony tag-teamed the Jackie Gleason Theater at the Fillmore; the Heat took a much-deserved victory lap around downtown; and someone from the team finally granted New Times an interview. Well, kind of.We caught Alonzo Mourning on the way out…
LeBron James came out to one of his first standing ovations outside Miami last night in a long time on The Late Show with David Letterman, and in New York City of all places. Guess that ring really did do wonders for his image. Of course, once everyone sat down,…
The Heat’s 2012 NBA Championship was not only historic for giving LeBron James his first championship. A member of the University of Michigan’s Fab Five also finally netted a ring for the first time thanks to Juwan Howard. To celebrate yesterday inside the AAA, Howard dusted off some of his…
The Miami Heat stormed through the streets of Miami this morning in a double-decker bus to celebrate their championship. It was their biggest public celebration since that welcoming party that for some reason seemed to piss a whole lot of people off, except this time no one can say it…
In a move that will save thousands of pieces of paper a year, the Miami Dolphins have stepped into the digital age and will replace their phonebook-sized paper playbooks this year with iPads. Each player was issued the Apple tablet. Though, that of course means players might be tempted to…
In about half an hour, the champagne will start flowing, the vuvuzelas will start honking and, we can only hope, the Ronny Turiaf Dance will blow up Biscayne Boulevard. Tens of thousands of fans are already lining Biscayne Boulevard. Skip Bayless, presumably, is drinking heavily in a dark room somewhere…
For the Marlins, June is the cruelest month. They’ve cemented a tradition in the past few seasons of starting off strong and seeing it all sink away in the sixth month. A revamped roster, new name, new stadium, and new manager couldn’t stave off the June slump. They’re 4-14 for…
Riptide has had ESPN on and off of mute all morning. The TV listings say it’s just regular ol’ SportsCenter, but as far as we can tell “The LeBron James Blow Job Marathon” would be just as apt a title. In fact, the TV talking heads, newspaper writers and bloggers…
Last year we had to deal with the nauseating site of the Dallas Mavericks (along with front-runner fan supreme Lil Wayne) partying at LIV after their championship. This year it was finally the Heats turn to pop bottles at the Fontainebleau hotel’s super club. Naturally, the Miami boy out partied…
Get your pots and pans out, Miami. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA World Champions!…
All across the Magic City this Thursday night, pots are getting wrecked by spoons, more car horns are getting leaned on than rush hour on the Dolphin and every half-decent bar is passing around shots of Jameson in honor of Bron Bron. Your Miami Heat are 2012 NBA Champions. We’ll keep…
Looks like its time to bring back the “Fuck you, Chuck” chants. While predicting that the Miami Heat will win tonight, and laying praise on LeBron James, professional loudmouth Charles Barkley took a swipe at Miami fans this morning on a D.C. sports radio show by claiming that the Heat don’t…
So here’s the bad news: Miami will likely no longer be hosting the BCS Championship game every four years. Here’s the good news: The Orange Bowl is no longer in danger of total irrelevance and will likely become part of a long-awaited college football playoff system. BCS commissioners have reached…
Forget all those lens-less glasses, fishing lure shirts and man purses. Dwyane Wade raised the bar on quirky NBA press conference fashion on Tuesday night by wearing flip-up sunglasses. Lest you think Wade has lost his damned mind and thought they just looked fly as hell (well, OK, he kind…
If the Heat wins tonight, it will be a citywide fist punch to the fart box of all the haters around the world. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook can go back to wearing their lensless glasses in the obscurity of Oklahoma City. And Charles Barkley can quietly choke on his…
There was supposed to be a team in this year’s NBA Finals with a top heavy roster of superstars and a bunch of supporting players who looked like they were lucky to even be on an NBA roster, let along the finals. That team’s star player was supposed to shrink…
Your Miami Heat overcame a 17-point deficit, a 43-point game from Russell Westbrook, a relentless Oklahoma City Thunder attack, and LeBron James losing a leg in the fourth quarter to pull off the 104-98 Game 4 win, and are now just one more victory away from being crowned NBA Finals…
Most political action committees use tried-and-true tactics to rip on candidates: call them a liar, accuse them of spending too much/too little, et cetera. In Ohio, though, they simply bring forth the terrifying, hated specter of LeBron James to do the work for them.That’s the plan for Workers’ Voice, a Super-PAC…
The latest episode in Dwyane Wade’s personal saga with his ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches-Wade couldn’t have come at a worse time. In the midst of the NBA finals, Wade’s lawyers have filed a petition to suspend Siohvaughn’s right to visitation with their two sons following an incident this weekend that ultimately…
