Anyone But This Guy

Here’s a rumor that made the rounds over the weekend and simply refuses to die: “People close to former Vikings coach Mike Tice insist he will be named the Dolphins’ head coach next week…” I’m all about trusting Bill Parcells with this team and letting him do his thing. But…

Dolphins to Interview Schwartz

The Dolphins are set to interview Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz for the head-coaching job on Monday. Or not. Things aren’t looking so hot for Dallas heading into this weekend’s divisional playoff matchup against the Giants. Tony Sparano’s got one foot out the door, Jason Garrett’s wanted by other teams,…

Shocking News Break: Brian Gaine Quits Cowboys

As reported here on Tuesday, Bill Parcells was trying to get Dallas Cowboys assistant director of pro scouting Brian Gaine to come join the other Dallas Cowboys here in Miami. It was even okayed by Jerry Jones. The NFL, not so much. Mainly because of some rule saying you can’t…

The Right Arm of God Crushes King Douche Into Fine Powder

I’ve always liked ESPN’s Jeffri Chadiha. He’s what a sports anchor/writer should be. Intelligent, insightful, and, most importantly, not a douche. Unlike scrotum slapping jackals like Skip Bayless or Sean Salisbury, who like to yell and spit and play the role of the tough ornery guy without saying much of…

Clever Headline: Parcells Looks to “Gaine” a Top Dallas Scout

In his never ending quest to turn the Miami Dolphins into the Dallas Cowboys, Bill Parcells is looking to land Cowboys assistant director of pro scouting, Brian Gaine. According to NFL stipulations though, Parcells is going to have to find his way around the rules (again? curse you NFL rules!)…

Source: Dolphins Intrigued by Matt Ryan

Somewhere in this long ass article in the Boston Herald (once you get passed the part about Randy Moss being a complete asswipe and Tom Brady being a total shithead, you’re golden) a league source says the Dolphins — possessors of the number one overall pick — are intrigued by…

Sparano Offered Coaching Job?

According to the New Haven Register, the Dolphins have offered Tony Sparano the head coaching job. The report also says that Sparano will accept it as soon as the Cowboys’ season is finished. The Cowboys are currently in the playoffs. Remember those? The report is considered significant because New Haven…

A Feeling of Nothingness

Players, ex-players and recently fired coaches are all reacting to the purge Bill Parcells has wrought upon the Dolphins. Perfect Season running back Jim Kiick said it was a good day in Dolphins history, “The changes had to be made,” he said. “I don’t think Cam was what they were…

Breaking News – The Tuna Fires Cam Cameron

The Cam Cameron era is over. He and his talking penis have been fired. Bobby Knight and his friendship with Bill Parcells clearly wasn’t enough to save Cam’s ass from the inevitable. It’s 1-15 and done. It’s kinda sad, really. Like when a goldfish dies. You knew it was coming…

Michigan Leaves the Gators Maize and Blue

I was resigned to defeat. I was sure my alma mater, University of Michigan, would lose by 20 points or more to the fast, option-running Florida Gators. I was so sure of certain defeat that as 1 pm. approached New Year’s day, I told my friend to hurry up so…

Meet the New Nerdy White Dude, Same as the Old Nerdy White Dude

With Randy Mueller no longer around, reports have been surfacing everywhere that Bill Parcells is targeting Dallas Cowboys VP of Scouting, Jeff Ireland (awkward looking gent shown above) to take over the GM job for the Dolphins. Ireland is highly regarded around league circles as a dude who knows his…

Shine On You Crazy Mormon

Cam Cameron is going to get fired. Not so much because he’s an idiot. But because he refused the will of God. Cameron defiantly decided against starting John Beck against the Bengals in the final meaningless regular season game and, instead, started Cleo Lemon because he gave us the best…

Dear Cleo, So Long and Thanks For All The Suck

Hi Cleo Lemon. Hello. How are you? Let me first just say, thanks for all the memories. It’s been real. You had some decent games for us here and there over the last couple of seasons. Hell, you helped us avoid infamy by leading us to our first and only…

Tuna Anyone?

When your franchise is drowning, don’t throw them a life-preserver. Throw ’em some man-boobs! Greg Camarillo saves our souls from ruin and suddenly the flood-gates of dewy goodness have opened up for us in abundance. The interwebs have been going apeshit all day Wednesday. The reports were ongoing all day…

Top Ten Sports Moments of the Year

1. Dolphins… – The Miami Dolphins just had some bad luck this year. Mix that in with bad plays, horrible defense and offense, and you have a recipe for a team that makes it’s fans want to go out and hurt somebody. Fans rejoiced when the team won against the…

The ’72 Dolphins Came Along, And They Brought Motivation With Them

Lost in all the Greg Camarillo: Golden God! madness yesterday was the fact that the living members of the 1972 Dolphins were at the game Sunday. The team was honored at halftime and had been hanging around Dolphins facilities all week, watching practices and telling reporters, trainers, the audio/video guys,…

Dolphins Look Good in the Sun

The sun emerged from behind the clouds on our side of Dolphin Stadium, Section 222, on Sunday. There were about six minutes left in the game. The Fins were winning, so we forgave the rain that had sprayed us earlier. It was the first time we had seen the sun…

The Pain is Over

My feet still haven’t touched the ground. My throat is raw and scratchy. My voice is shot. I sound like Jennifer Tilly after several rounds of scotch and cigarettes at a Poker tournament. Myself, and everyone around me, are acting like we’re in a Dr. Pepper commercial. My brain still…

The Spirit of ’76?

Well. This is it. One more loss away from tying the 1976 Bucs. Two more losses away from full on dementia. Beat the 4-9 Ravens or face the fact that you’ll be telling your grandkids you experienced the worst season ever in the history of the NFL. And then they’ll…

Random Dolphins Crap

Some random crap for you this morning. Number one, from this moment on, Cam Cameron will be known as Turd Ferguson. Also… According to Pro Football Weekly, it seems Jason Taylor wants to get the fuck out of Dodge. “We hear that the 11-year veteran, who has spent his entire…

Cleo Lemon Won’t Go Away

Evidence suggests that Cam Cameron’s mission in life is to completely and utterly fuck up John Beck’s career beyond all recognition before it even gets started. Instead of starting Beck at home against Buffalo after the bye week, he decided to give him the reigns on the road, in the…

Fins Need a Win, The Rest is Meaningless

Everybody wants Cam Cameron fired. But who do we replace him with? Bill Cowher? Bill Parcells? SI’s Peter King warns us of the Siren Song of the Big Name Coach, which we as a franchise have fallen for time and time again. I didn’t think Peter King was capable of…