So Miami, we need to have a little talk. See, there’s this major league baseball team in town. Yes, right here in Miami. They’re called the Marlins. They have uniforms and play other major league baseball teams and even have a couple of All Stars hanging around. In fact, they…
Seems like only yesterday the Marlins were coming back against teams, overcoming seemingly insurmountable deficits and generally making life miserable for the Mets and Phillies while making a run at history. The Marlins were within grasp of the NL East. Now, they’re a walking disaster. Coming out of the All-Star…
via Sportaphile 86’d Johnson for 85 With 99 to 1 odds that the Dolphins will win the Super Bowl, it’s just too depressing to think about them. Until they improve I’ll keep my attention on a certain Cinicinati Bengal’s wide receiver from Liberty City who makes my head hurt too,…
via Dolphin Stadium Randy Shannon probably would have scheduled a pee wee football team as the opponent in the Hurricanes’ Dolphin Stadium debut tonight if he could have gotten away with it. Instead they’re facing FCS (formerly known as Division I-AA) team Charleston Southern. The CSU Bucaneers are 0-4 against…
Photo via Wikimedia Commons Forbes, the business magazine that specializes in creating useless lists and manages to somehow still remain relevant, has bestowed Miami the honor dishonor of being the worst city to be a sports fan. Riptide couldn’t agree more, but for drastically different reasons. Forbes based their results…
Photo via wikimedia commons Bolt sprinting into Dolphins stadium? Media Take Out is one of the craziest rumor mongers on the web. Sample headlines: “UH UHHHHH!!! CHECK OUT MORGAN FREEMAN’S BUST IT BABY … THAT’S WHO HE LEFT HIS WIFE FOR??????” and “WORD ON THE STREET!! Fantasia And Young Dro…
Photo via Wikimedia Commons Misty May-Treanor no doubt owes her second Gold Medal to the noted coaching skills of George W. Bush. The Marlins are mostly poorly paid rooks. Most don’t have championship gold at home. But catcher Matt Treanor will get to touch his wife’s gold medal. That is,…
(image via flickr) There are many reasons an outsider might not want to be caught in Liberty City in nothing but a speedo. But an impromptu 100-meter butterfly challenge would seem to be the least of one’s worries. According to Cincinnati Bangles wide receiver Chad Johnson, Liberty City is one…
Coming into these Olympic games, it seemed as if Dwyane Wade was only known for being the pitchman for a Chinese sex pill (without his permission). Oh, and a guy who once won an NBA title or something. Now, the Chinese are chanting his name when he walks by: “Wade-a!…
The Marlins shoulda creamed the St Louis Cardinals last night. They didn’t. The reason: Luis Gonzalez sucks. The Marlins 31-year-old left fielder came up three times with runs in scoring position ..and made three outs. The bases were loaded. There were two guys on base. He’s supposed to be the…
Okay, so the Dolphins lost their pre-season opener 17-6. But winning or losing is not necessarily the objective of pre-season. It’s all about evaluation. And it’s about football season finally being here, dammit! Dolphins fans had been waiting since December to get the rather objectionable taste of a 1-15 season…
In Touch reports that legendary Hall of Fame Dolphin quarterback Dan Marino is going to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars this September. In a related story, I’m reporting that my childhood has been crushed into a fine powder. Former Fin Jason Taylor just got done wrapping up…
Manny Ramirez is headed to the Marlins! A deal is close! Sources are saying it’s only a matter of time! Here we go! Ready? And…. the deal is dead. The Red Sox sent him to L.A. instead. Sad trombone sound Okay, so the Manny to the Marlins thing didn’t happen…
The sign hangs over a locked turnstile outside Dolphin Stadium, gently mocking hundreds of Marlins fans trapped in a winding gauntlet of fences protecting the handful of ticket sellers at Wednesday’s divisional showdown against the Mets. Lightning flashes. Torrents of rain darken the horizon. Clouds circle overhead. The line creeps…
UPDATE: Sorry, Fish fans dreaming of a summer watching Manny being Manny in Dolphin Stadium. Looks like the ManRam will be looking for the best place to take a leak behind the outfield wall in sunny Chavez Ravine instead. According to ESPN, the eccentric slugger is headed to the Dodgers…
Now it’s just getting ridiculous. The Marlins continue to prove that no lead is safe against them, no matter the competition, no matter the odds. With the NL East leading Mets in town, the Fish took the first game of a three-game set last night with yet another tap the…
When James Posey left the Miami Heat, sports fans and groupies alike cried over the loss of one of our most talented and fiiine players. But when he ended up winning another ring with the Celtics, people were like, “Damn, I’d jump from the Titanic to a Carnival cruise liner…
Marlins pitcher Rick VandenHurk no-hit the Braves last night in his first big league start since recently being recalled up from Double-A Carolina. Unfortunately, the no-hitter lasted only five innings. But still. Not too shabby. VandenHurk walked five and threw a whopping 94 pitches on the night before skipper Fredi…
The Jason Taylor era in Miami is over. As first reported by Fox Sports yesterday evening, the Dolphins traded Taylor to the Washington Redskins for a second-round pick in 2009 and a sixth-round pick in 2010. It had been almost a foregone conclusion, knowing that if an opportunity presented itself,…
It was supposed to be a night to remember for Marlins All-Star second baseman Dan Uggla. Instead, it was a night fit for several shots of Schnapps with a Vicodin chaser. In what ended up becoming the longest All-Star game in history, Uggla had himself the roughest night imaginable going…
Scott Olsen It seems as if the Marlins’ Scott Olsen hadn’t won a game since Indiana Jones was in theaters. Oh wait. Since wrestling star Hulk Hogan was garnering headlines. Nope. Uh, since Sting and The Police last had a world tour. Damn it! It’s been a long time since…
Hanley Ramirez It’s about time the rest of the world got exposed to the sheer awesomeness that is the Florida Marlins’ Hanley Ramirez. Yesterday it was announced that Ramirez will be the starting shortstop for the National League in next week’s All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium. Ramirez beat out the…
