UFC Update

This calls for a celebratory stogie The Super Korean is Super Victorious! American Top team’s mix martial arts fighter Denis Kang successfully defended his Spirit Martial Challenge heavyweight title March 11th in Korea. He won by unanimous decision after a grueling three-round bout. This was the 29-year-old Fort Lauderdale resident’s…

Souto, on a Trash Tear

Earlier today, loquacious county Commissioner Javier Souto paid a visit to the governmental operations and environment committee. The former state senator was hoping to convince his colleagues to support his legislative measure aimed at cracking down on scoundrels who pile up bulk waste, such as old appliances and discarded furniture,…

The Case of the Missing Investigator

Less than a month after news broke that a former schools computer services technician had been convicted on child porn charges, former schools inspector general Herb Cousins is suing the school board. Cousins alleges a conspiracy to “defame” him through a “campaign of character assassination,” and says administrators were worried…

A Waist of Bling

WTF? I’m at a stop light in Liberty City the other day, and an old Haitian guy sticks some flyers in my window. Before I can wave him off, he urges, “Help me out.” Among ads for “cash today” and “pray clothes” was a pitch for Encore Services (right). Seems…

These Streets Weren’t Made for Walkin’

Despite its location somewhere up north near the tundra, Madison, Wisconsin, has been named the nation’s “Most Walkable City” by Prevention magazine. And despite its reputation as a tropical paradise, Miami barely cracks the list. (We are number 98 on a list of 100 cities.) Sad. City planners, are you…

Buy the Farm

Not a bad one in the bunch Local, organic, affordable, good. These adjectives rarely combine in Miami, despite our proximity to some of the most fertile farmland in the country. So rejoice, downtown office workers and anybody else who can find his way to Bayfront Park: An excellent farmers market…

Beaureacracy Got You Down?

If you’re the sort of person who reads structured finance legal briefs for fun, or who prefers watching a filibuster on C-SPAN to a blockbuster at the local cineplex, we have something you should know about. The Team Metro Citizens Academy! It’s a free 13-week program that will teach you…

Justice for All?

Indira Lopez -Ruiz, a rape and molestation victim who’s lost a child, was angry. Standing outside the Miami courthouse Wednesday just as prosecutors prepared to announce their guilty verdict in the Jessica Lunsford/John Couey case, the beautiful young woman scowled. She carried a sign with a picture of a Precious…

Shaq’s Resume Gets Taller

Don’t make me bust you for obesity Remember when sports stars were sports stars, and not busybodies? Shaquille O’Neal has signed on to star in a reality TV show on ABC. He will attack childhood obesity during the six-episode show. First, he takes over the Miami Heat. Then he becomes…

Naked Chef to Headline 2008 Wine & Food Fest

Hot off the presses, a New Times exclusive: The Food Network South Beach Wine & Food Festival is set to announce that its 2008 honorees will be internationally renowned chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten, and the buoyant British chef Jamie Oliver. The former will be feted at the Tribute Dinner on February…

Not Massive, but Critical

Riding off into the sunset In celebration of last Saturday night’s full lunar eclipse, I joined Critical Mass Miami to ride the 16-mile loop at Shark Valley Slough in Everglades National Park. The route, it turns out, is open to the public 24/7 — if you go at night, you…

Booby Tube Trap

Booby Tube Trap Filed Under: News Steven McLLain was lugging a discarded Toshiba television across the Venetian Bridge on a breezy evening this past February 12, when Miami City Police NET Cmdr. William Alvarez stopped him. When Alvarez asked McLLain, a lanky 56-year-old homeless man, where he got the boob…

Swept Under the Bridge

It’s 5:45 a.m. and still completely dark when a car pulls off NW Twelfth Avenue and makes its way silently through the complex of streets just south of the county criminal court. The car turns into the jury parking lot, otherwise completely empty. It creeps past the massive concrete pillars…

South Beach Menace

Just four blocks from Ocean Drive and haute high-priced South Beach eateries China Grill and Tuscan Steak, a rail-thin homeless man sat in the trash-strewn parking lot of a Walgreens this past December 28. Reynaldo “Flaco” Martin took a swig of vodka, then noticed Carlos Bustamante, a fellow Cuban-American in…

Peck for Justice

There’s a lot of sadness going around at the Richard E. Gersten Justice Center in Miami this week; the Jessica Lundsford murder trial is well underway. The state and the defense rested their cases Tuesday afternoon. Accused killer John Couey declined to take the stand; jurors are shaken by the…

Your Turn for Tricks

Got a frog that fixes glasses? Producers from CBS’s Late Show with David Letterman will be in Miami next weeked in search of a few good men to appear alongside the bespectacled host in an upcoming episode. Actually they’re on the look out for a few strange people who either…

Cash ‘n’ Berry

Frances Nash Mmmmmm In a post from her http://f-i-n.diaryland.com/index.html”>Sunshine State blog aptly titled”strawberry fields forever,” Frances Nash writes about a recent tour of Homestead U-Pick Knaus Berry Farm, where “the air smells sticky and sweet, like the strawberries boiled by the sun.” Her photos and prose (“their strawberry shakes taste…

Jesus For Sale

Calvin Godfrey Feeling guilty after dropping your kid’s braces money on a stripper at Club Rollexx? Just head a couple blocks south on Unity Boulevard, and pick up a nice painted statue of Jesus for the front lawn. The kids will forgive all your trespasses, and so will He! This…

They’ll be Sweating Tequila

Webber: “Pass the bottle — er — ball!” If the Detroit Pistons look a little sluggish at the AAA tonight, blame it on the Patron. Last night at SoBe club, The Fifth, Piston Chris Webber had a birthday party, his so-called “Celebrity Birthday Extravaganza.” Joined by teammates Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey…

Taser Happy?

City of Miami Sgt. Robert Laurenceau is having his Taser moment. On Thursday morning, the latest issue of Miami New Times hit the streets with a story about cops facing off in a traffic stop gone wrong this past fall. Laurenceau played a prominent role in the odd tale of…

Lame-O-Zine

I recently got hold of an (advance?) copy of the March Miami Monthly —in fact, it was lying on the floor of the Men’s locker room at the Sports Club LA. I must say, I was shocked and chagrined. Published by Mass Media Enterprises, which on its web site touts…

Castro: Ruling Cuba With an Electric Worm

Isn’t everyone getting sick of reading about every fucking phone call and gift-giving session that takes place between Castro and Chavez? Last time I checked, picking up a phone is not a sign of stable health. If Fidel really wants to strike fear into the hearts of the American Military…