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In the parking lot at Matheson Hammock Park at 8 a.m. on a recent weekday, 20-year-old Selene Cohen is using a 45-pound bow to shoot arrows at a makeshift cardboard target that leans against a tree. The sky is threatening rain. “One thing about iguanas,” she says, “they only come…

Ricky Rivera tells the story like a fisherman recalling the time he battled the big catch and lost, chuckling without shame at the doomed mismatch. His is the tale of the bionic 12-year-old baseball players. Last month, local Little League All-Star teams began competing in the worldwide, two-month tournament that…

Perhaps its a bit too easy to take potshots at the All-You-See-is-Knuckles-on-the-Steering-Wheel set- the arthritic, lox-demolishing crowd of retired New York Jews that dominates South Florida by the strength of sheer numbers and an indomitable determination to be in bed by eight. But that simply doesn’t make it less funny…

In these tight economic times, there are many daring ideas worth trying to save some coin. That off-brand cereal that comes in plastic trash bags. Mexican dentistry. Pabst Blue Ribbon. But only in Miami are you likely to find the true spendthrifts, those willing to put their lips on the…

Lam Vuong Club editor Jason Handelsman at the mercy of ScaryMary, literally suffering for his craft. I like wearing panties, and walking around in high heels. I like wearing a G-string and handcuffs while being flogged by a dominatrix. I like having a ball gag in my mouth and a…

Hey fellas. A pick up line can cause a chick to giggle, hand over her number, or give you a hearty “Fuck off.” Sometimes, words aren’t even necessary. Here’s what I think are the appropriate physical responses to two corny lines. Ladies, take note. He says: Why don’t you come…

This weekend was on a personal level, er, less than spectacular to say the least. Some events scheduled to be covered fell to the wayside, so today’s weekend recap is somewhat bare. Other than a brief reunion by ’70s rock band Bad Company, there were few other noteworthy events. Even…

As reported in Riptide 2.0, John McCain’s staffers tried to help solidify his elderly South Florida base on a visit to Miami yesterday by proving that they can’t drive very well either. Now it seems that the Straight Talk Express was having just as much difficulty staying on the conservative…

Natalie O’Neill William Vallenilla stands outside Christine’s mobile home at the Little River Mobile Home Park. Inside the Little River Mobile Home Park, William Vallenilla is pointing to an insipid trailer in the afternoon sun. “Ooooh, maybe we’ll have an orange door,” he says enthusiastically. “And a brown stripe in…

Hot off the newswire, its being reported that a Miami man has been arrested for threatening to assassinate Barack Obama. Raymond Hunter Geisel apparently made the threat during a training class for bail bondsmen. For good measure, according to a tipster, he also threatened President Bush. Federal authorities found a…

You wouldn’t have noticed it Wednesday night unless you listened closely, but House speaker Nancy Pelosi waited 40 minutes to mention Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. It was a major diss. It hurt. The reason: Pelosi was speaking in Coral Gables to an audience of about 1,200 wealthy Floridians –…

This is what happens when: Dick meets girl. Girl is wasted, so she gives Dick her number. Dick calls girl and invites himself to her house, threatens her with a good time, etc. Girl doesn’t like his aggro ass so she decides to never answer his call again. Dick calls…

Matthew Garvin This is what happens when the right tries to go left. In one of those “had to be in Miami” moments, Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s tour bus was involved in an accident at 55th and Biscayne Boulevard. When we heard the new here at the New Times,…

At a poker table, perhaps nothing is more disturbing than a well-tanned man. This is a man of luxury. He has the time in his schedule to lie beneath the sun so that it may color him. Or worse, he has the time and money to lie in a tanning…

It’s crunch time in the Republican VP sweepstakes. If Florida Gov. Charlie Crist wants to win, he has to outrun the rumor he’s light in the loafers. Getting engaged was a good start, but he needs an extreme makeover to be straight enough for the family-values crew. Build ‘im. Dress…

On a recent balmy July afternoon, Valria “Val” Screen stands in the living room of George Williams’s Allapattah house, chatting up the 83-year-old homeowner and voter about her desire to replace Audrey Edmonson as his county commissioner. The 43-year-old attorney, sporting pearl earrings and a matching necklace, wears white sneakers,…

This afternoon’s Be Out Day sponsored by Rick Ross Charities, Inc. was supposed to be about positivity, voter registration, and helping the kidz – apparently some fools didn’t get the memo. At around 4:24 p.m. fights and gunfire broke out at Carol City Park. FloRida was performing Rick Ross, City…

This past Saturday at Bayfront Park there was plenty of hip-hop in the air, but there was also plenty of playa-playa bullshit too. In between sips of my cocktail, I overheard this lovely exchange: Him: I just want one date, you won’t even give me that. Her: Aren’t you married?…

A University of Florida student takes a moment to unwind between classes. As if they needed another excuse to celebrate, students at the University of Florida have just been ranked number one in the country by the Princeton Review. Not in any academic category. That would be, like, totally lame…