News Roundup

USB will be the sponsor of both Basel fairs for years to come, 3 more of which, at least, will happen in Miami. [ArtINFO] Doctors in Miami can now assist surgeries Iraq using a robot. It is made by a company called InTouch, which hopefully has nothing to do with…

Recession Special

Visiting South Beach when you’re broke is like being left out of the world’s greatest party. There’s a financial slump, but it seems the Cristal-spraying, condo-living, Ferrari-squealing set still hasn’t gotten the memo. It’s like one big Lil Wayne video — and we’re sick of being the dolly grip. So…

Squatters Fight for Rights

Maybe Riptide has been watching too much CNN, but we can’t help feeling like we’re headed for an apocalyptic crash-and-burn not seen since Hoover began building shacks in Central Park. Thousands of homes in South Florida are in foreclosure, squatters are taking up residence, and when said squatters get booted,…

High-Class Heists

Amanda Moran’s eyes widened as she walked from a blinding July afternoon into the cool living room of a red-roofed house just off South Dixie Highway in Coconut Grove. Piled like cheap toys in this ordinary suburban house, some tightly wrapped in Ecuadorian newspaper, were more than 160 pieces from…

Holiday Haz

It’s that time of year again. Fright time. The season to hide in your room. Preferably under the bed. Whatever you do, stay away from those festive fools who insist on celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other holiday that comes under the heading of Advent or the arrival of…

Budget Ballin’

Raul Regalado, the wide-eyed 25-year-old son of a Venezuelan textile executive, turns to a passenger as he pilots a $235,000 pumpkin-orange Lamborghini Gallardo south on Ocean Drive. “If I pick up a bitch,” he declares, his voice wheezing with excitement, “you need to get out!” He pushes a button controlling…

Ileana Mistakes Obama for Fauxbama, Hangs Up On the Real Prez

Oh snap! So apparently Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen never really got over the shock or hilarity of Sarah Palin getting totally punked by those Canadian DJs pretending to be Nicholas Sarkozy.Because when the President-elect tried to call her yesterday, she hung up on him quicker than you can say “No normalized…

Don’t You Think Jeb Bush Should Just Go Away?

So this Jeb Bush character wants to be our Senator, aye? What has he ever done for us? Oh, he was our Governor. Great, great. He was also the brother of that one guy, what is his name? I think he was the President for a little while, maybe. I…

News Roundup

The kids are not alright. A Broward first-grader held a knife to a classmate for a dollar. [Herald]69% of Americans are totally cool with gay adoption. Nearly 3/4 favor some kind of legal recognition for gay relationships. [Sun-Sentinel] Florida’s Environmental Regulation Commission voted 6-1 to up auto emissions standards by…

Dailies Outsourcing the News to FIU Students

Three months after The Miami Herald, The Sun-Sentinel and The Palm Beach Post decided to hop into bed in a story sharing menage-a-trois, they’ve decided they’ve liked it so much they’re gonna put a ring on it. And then this unholy union is going to gay adopt FIU journalism students,…

Violence Follows Naomi Anywhere She Goes

Naomi Campbell is in town to the host the reception for a photo exhibit dedicated solely to the glorious human mannequin that is her. When we first blogged about it we didn’t make any flying Blackberry jokes. We didn’t imagine her beating down any bouncers. Instead, we decided to go…

And the Sensationalist Headline of the Year Award goes to…

You may have heard the shocking tale of Abraham Biggs, the 19-year old Broward College student who aired his own suicide via webcam in November. A tragedy, certainly. But this is the first online suicide we’ve heard of — not exactly a pandemic. Which makes the front-page headline on this…

Kimbo Slice Headed to Japan

Kimbo Slice, like many stars before him, is retreating to Japan to milk out a little bit more money before his career quietly fades out. While there we imagine him shooting a commercial for some whiskey, appearing on a whackey game show, and then meeting the pretty but neglected wife…

Miami Owned Cruise Ship Outruns Pirates

The MS Nautica, a big floating luxury palace owned by Miami-based Oceania Cruises, found itself in a real life pirate shoot out Saturday in the Gulf of Aden between the coasts of Somali and Yemen. Two pirate skiffs shot 8 rounds at the ship, but the luxury liner was able…

Jeb Gets a Job

Jeb Bush used to have a cushy post-Gov gig as a private equity adviser at Lehman Brothers. Well, apparently his private equity advice didn’t do much in keeping the firm from collapse, and Ol’ Jebby’s only had his duty as president of Jeb Bush & Associates to keep him busy…

Ivana Trump Ending Her Traditional Marriage

Ivana Trump, ex-wife of the Donald, is ending her 7 month marriage to Italian reality show contestant Rossano Rubicondi, a man 24 years her junior. It was Ivana’s fourth wedding. The two wed in a lavish West Palm Beach ceremony in April, but apparently Ivana wasn’t a fan of the…

Congratulations Hialeah

Katherine Cue, the 21 y/o ex-beauty queen/tv talent show competitor, is officially a real life member of the city council of Florida’s 5th most populace city. From The Herald: “Despite protests on Internet blogs and rumblings from residents denouncing Cue’s selection for the post because of her age and because…

Lil Wayne’s Winter Wonderland

The British tabloids are buzzing this morning that two football soccer stars have been banned by their team’s management from attending a huge Christmas week party in Miami held by Lil Wayne and Akon. Whatever to this UK soccer saga, but this is first we’re hearing of the party which…