Talk about your long weekends. Most of us, although not us at New Times, had a four-day weekend thanks to the Thankgiving holidays. That gave plenty of you time to celebrate Black Friday by crushing your fellow man to death as you and thousands of others rush into your local…
Today is World AIDS day, and the single most important thing everyone can do personally is get tested regularly and play safe. The good news about HIV in America in 2008 is that if detected early most people can still look forward to a long, full life. The expected life…
What to do about these Miami Hurricanes? Even during their darkest hours they’ve always had a respectable defense. This season could have been a statement, but in their last two games that reliable defense faltered, culminating in a fall from a brief stay in the rankings, a chance at the…
Remember when America was so prosperous that we were debating ways of keeping our neighbors from breaking into our country to steal our crumbs? So much so that we were building a big fence- sort of like the Berlin Wall because that worked out so well for Germany?That was August-…
Once again, the Miami Dolphins had to pull unicorns and rainbows out their asses to keep from losing to a two-win team. But pull the magic from their bottoms they did, as they took down the hapless St. Louis Rams 16-12, for their seventh win of the season. Drive killing…
Miami Commissioner Joe Sanchez, a former cop, has opened an account to run for city mayor, opening the way to the best political contest in recent memory. Commissioner Tomas Regalado, who announced several months ago, is sure to attack, particularly as we get close to election day. Regalado’s ethical lapses…
Maybe it’s because Fidel finally seems to be stumbling around on his last legs. Maybe it’s because Raul, the “younger” brother who’s still older than John McCain, seems to be loosening some rules.Who knows? But Americans popular fascination with Cuba and its Miami exile community seems higher than ever. To…
Cold, hard reality set in last week for Miami’s two most notable football squads. The Fins lost their rematch to the Pats, and the Canes saw their ACC title hopes evaporate. Hopefully they’ll be able to put their disappointment behind them and not squander seasons that are, by last year’s standards, pretty…
Another Miami-Dade city, another city commission appointment controversy in the works. This time around, Miami Beach is trying to decide whether to fill Dan Gelber’s vacated seat with an appointee or hold a special election. An election would cost as much as $400,000, and Mayor Matti Bower told the Herald: “That’s a…
If the Kramer vs. Kramer movie script had been written in finger paint and then dunked in a vile of LSD, it would be a lot like Victor-Hugo Vaca’s online graphic novel Crackhead Jesus. In the story, the Miami artist satirizes his own courtroom experiences to point out the nastiness of…
Riptide was preparing to cross the Alligator Alley this past Wednesday to go and visit the familia in a horrible, horrible place known as Collier County. On the way we stopped to get gas somewhere way out in west Broward. We don’t remember the name of the town – Weston?…
Riptide does not understand this Black Friday nonsense, not one bit. We saw on the teevee news that people were camping out. What is this? Are the deals really all that much better? Personally we think the best way to spend black Friday is recovering from a hangover, but we…
No, that headline is not just a hallucination brought on by the tryptophan-induced haze you’ve been stumbling around in since stuffing that turducken down your gullet yesterday.It’s just, quite simply, the strangest post-Thanksgiving news on the planet. Somehow or another, Sean Penn, the liberal wunderkind who will forever be remembered…
When stunningly gorgeous California native model-slash-actress Anna Elizabeth decided to open a nail spot in Miami, her vision was simple and clear. “She wanted to open a fly-ass nail shop where bitches could come and get pretty before partying,” explains John Guillot, the sassy and hilarious manager of Lace Nail…
Riptide had a lovely Thanksgiving. Short Order cooked an amazing turbaconducken, Crossfade lead us in musical prayer, and step-sibling Nude Celebrity Death SUV brought tons of bargain bin wine, which it proceeded to chug relentlessly. Anyway, we are back today in a somewhat tryptophan impaired effort. Nilo Juri was convicted…
The end of 2008 feels like a kick in the balls for Riptide. Our car is about to get repossessed, our credit cards are maxed out, and we’ve taken up residence in an abandoned home with a bunch of squatters. Such is life in sunny South Florida. But it’s nevertheless…
With our economy about as lively as cranberry jelly from a can, approximately 51 percent of Floridians are thankful Barack Obama’s Change® is on its way. Too bad it’ll come a few months too late for New Times’ favorite presidential-elect doppelganger. Last month, we introduced you to Gerardo Puisseaux (“Faux-bama!”…
Artist Alette Simmons-Jimenez has toiled mightily on her ambitious project “Giants in the City” to prepare for this year’s Art Basel, which runs from December 4 through 7. For months, she and nine others have been designing and constructing 30-foot-tall inflatable sculptures that will be lighted after dark, creating a…
It’s official: The Dolphins are at least mediocre. In this, the season of giving thanks, fans owe much to Chad Pennington. He’s the reason that in one year, a very bad team has become, well, a team that beats very bad teams. And in a conference where Peyton Manning wears…
Aware that J.D. Hayworth was poised to run against her, Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano took a page from the anti-immigrant playbook and deployed the National Guard to Arizona’s border with Mexico. Consorting with anti-immigrant enforcers, indulging rank opportunism, and adhering to failed policies seem an unlikely recipe for change we…
Miami’s favorite pill-popping, adopted-father Frenching, nonsensical metaphor making (or is “I can play basketball with the moon” a simile?) rambling blogger Lil Wayne has used his ESPN.com soapbox to unleash a rant about troubled Cowboys defensive back Pacman Jones’ indefinite suspension from the NFL: I don’t think the Pacman Jones…
Shhh, do you hear that? It’s the sound of a million Miami Beach gold diggers preparing for notoriously single George Clooney’s arrival sometime next year. Clooney, perhaps best known for his recurring role on Roseanne as Booker Brooks, is teaming up with Juno director Jason Reitman (you know the suddenly…
