News Roundup

The Coral Gables Gazette has gone online-only. [Herald]Police arrested a 16-year-old boy in the June killing of a Metrorail security guard. The kid has been arrested ten times since he turned 11. [Herald]Donte’ Stallworth is now allowed to leave his house to work with a trainer. [Reuters]Advocates are calling for two Haitians caught trying…

Which of These Miami Dolphins Songs Is More Embarrassing?

In hip-hop, Jay-Z is God, and since he declared Auto-Tune dead, we’ve hoped that would put a swift end to the career of professional Auto-Tune abuser T-Pain. (I will never understand how a musical technique pioneered by Cher became “gangsta.”) Dolphins majority owner Stephen Ross didn’t get the message, and drafted…

Hialeah-Based Medicare Scammer Will Do Time

You know what’s delightful? Knowing your tax money goes to slimy guys such as convicted Medicare crook Ramon Santos. Riptide certainly sleeps better at night knowing we helped finance his shiny new Ford Expedition. Sigh. Last Friday, the 42-year-old faux-nurse from Hialeah was convicted for health-care fraud and obstruction of…

Cuba Is Running out of Toilet Paper

We could argue all day about communism versus capitalism, but neither is immune to the worldwide economic slump. In fact, it seems communist Cuba is hurting so bad it can’t afford one basic necessity: toilet paper. Reuters reports Cuba might not get enough TP to meet demand until the end of the year.Cuba…

Fun with Foreclosures: How to Get Screwed by Your Landlord

Something was funny about the landlord. A little too eager, maybe, but — for a pocketful of extra cash — aren’t we all these days? Renter Sandy Sanchez, a straight-talking 54-year-old, didn’t think much of it. She stood inside a spacious two-bedroom duplex on NE 112th Street last week and…

We Won’t Have Mr. Clucky to Cluck Around Anymore

Mr. Clucky, perhaps the most famous rooster since Foghorn Leghorn, is apparently leaving town. Clucky’s owner Mark Buckley told Local 10 he’s packing up the fowl, his girlfriend Wallflower, and all of their shared worldly possessions and heading to rural New Hampshire, where Buckley owns a farm. In May, Buckley was fined for keeping Clucky as…

Three Players Quit Fins Training Camp, Including Best Named Prospect Ever

News flash out of Davie this morning, courtesy of the Associated Press: Dolphins training camp really sucks ass, and coach Tony Sparano knows it.Fullback Matt Quillen, a 24-year-old prospect out of the fightin’ New Mexico Lobos, lasted only one day under Sparano’s apparently brutal and unprecedented regime of running around out in…

News Roundup

Kendrick Meek attacked Charlie Crist (his possible foe in the 2010 Senate race) for not handling stimulus funds in a way best for Florida. [PBPost]Some d-bag was arrested for using his camera phone to take up-skirt videos at Aventura Mall. [NBCMiami]”Don Diego” Montoya, a Colombian drug kingpin, is expected to plead guilty…

Suddenly Everyone in Florida Wants a Concealed Weapons Permit

Florida used to get about 14,000 requests for concealed carry permits each year. Now the state gets that number every month. The influx has been so severe that Commissioner of Agriculture Charles Bronson’s staff can barely keep up.According to the Capitol News Service, 150,000 permits might be granted this year alone. In…

Senator Allan Bense?

Washington Post blogger and former Mouthpiece Theater cohost Chris Cillizza adds another name to the list of possible politicos Charlie Crist could appoint to Mel Martinez’s soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat: former state Rep. Allan Bense.Add that to a list that already includes Jim Smith, Gov. Bob Martinez, George Lemieux, Dan Webster,…

Report: Miami Beach Doc Tried to Chemically Castrate Michael Jackson

Dr. Alex Farshchian, the Miami Beach doctor who treated Michael Jackson, seemed to be very pro-active with his patient, to say the least. Yesterday, Britain’s Sunday Mirror claimed Farshchian prescribed a drug to Jackson that is used as a form of chemical castration. The Mirror said the doc’s spokesman confirmed that, “Yes, that’s…

Charles Perez: WPLG Told Me Not to Have Kids

Recently fired Local 10 anchor Charles Perez took his side of the story to the Daily Beast today, in a wide-ranging column explaining why he’ll continue his suit against WPLG, claiming they fired him because he was gay, attacking the state of the news business, positioning himself as a gay…

News Roundup

Hank — a 2,000-pound, 20-foot-long, 47-year-old crocodile — was found dead in his Jungle Island home. [NBCMiami]Teens who take the GED will no longer receive the standard diploma. [TBO]State officials have some questions about the proposed airport slot machines. [Sentinel] “A Central Florida woman claims she was duped into changing a man’s…

Miami Beach Shark Victim Defends Sharks

Yeah, this movie probably didn’t help humans feel sympathy for sharks.​Miami Beach dive-boat captain Michael Beach has always admired sharks as a primordial link to a lost age. “They’re so primitive, so unevolved, and so unchanged,” he explains. “When you see one in the wild, you realize you’re seeing something…