Woman Sets Herself on Fire at Mall of the Americas

A woman set herself on fire in an apparent suicide attempt at the Mall of Americas this afternoon sometime before 4. The Miami Herald reports she walked into the Savage Boutique drenched in gasoline and lit herself on fire. On-the-scene Twitterers say the attempted self-immolation occurred at Ross. A person at the scene tried to put out…

Pizza-Person-Punching Prosecutor Prevents Punishment

David Ranck, the former Miami-Dade County prosecutor who punched a pizza lady in the arm after a horrific argument about the serious issue of proper pizza delivery, will have his misdemeanor battery charges dropped. All he has to do is complete anger management classes and do 25 hours of community service. He had previously resigned from his…

Florida’s Population Is Shrinking

Florida seemed to be on the fast track to overtaking New York as the third-most populace state, according to the 2010 Census. Since 2000, the Sunshine State’s population has boomed by more than 3 million, and the 2008 estimate put us at 18,328,340, just shy of New York’s 19,490,297. But according to a…

Fashion Victim Launches Fashion Blog

Perez Hilton, for better or worse the most successful blogger to come out of the Magic City, has launched a nicer, friendlier blog in the form of a fashion website. It’s dubbed CocoPerez, in what I assume is the least creative tribute to Coco Chanel ever. Maybe he was inspired by the ol’ Chanel quote, “Some people…

Hillary Clinton Still Bitter About 2000 Election and Jeb Bush

​Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was in a town hall meeting in Nigeria as part of her tour of Africa. Apparently Nigeria can have town hall meetings without a load of loons ripping up Rosa Parks posters and whatnot, but they can’t really have an ethical election. Their controversial 2007 election…

News Roundup

Miami Beach gave the green light for a bike-sharing program, but local bike businesses aren’t exactly thrilled. [theLead]Hey, look! Another Ponzi scheme! This one involves a North Miami man who says he was trading his victims’ currency. [SFBJ]Dr. Pedro Jose Greer was awarded his medal of freedom yesterday. [Herald]A husband…

Actually, Mr. Clucky Is Just Going on Vacation

On Tuesday, pretty much every local outlet — including this one — reported that code-violatin’ gangsta poultry Mr. Clucky was fleeing the state in order to avoid a $50-a-day fine. But yesterday afternoon, the rooster’s owner, Mark Buckley, phoned Riptide to let us know that, in fact, he and his rooster (and…

Magic City Kitty: Blowjob Layoff

Hello, Kitty: I love giving head to my boyfriend, but my jaw hurts and is sore for days after I do it. He doesn’t ask for or expect it all the time, so I don’t really want to tell him. But the pain is unbearable. It usually gets going around…

Jailhouse Blues

Jailhouse Blues: A bouncing basketball triggered Amanda Jessup’s descent into hell in Miami-Dade jail

Shafted

Shafted: A BSO deputy left Eric Brody brain damaged 11 years ago

Save Jaws

Save Jaws: Miami Beach shark-bite survivor Michael Beach to lobby for the Shark Conservation Act of 2009

Dead Body Found in Septic Tank

CBS4’s Chopper 4 was snooping around the skies yesterday, doing whatever it is that Chopper 4 normally does, and spotted police removing the body of a dead man from a septic tank behind a North Miami-Dade business. This is maybe the biggest local news story of the day. [CBS4: MDPD Recovers Man’s Body…

Janet Reno Endorses Dan Gelber

In terms of Attorney Generals they don’t get much bigger than Janet Reno. Wait, excuse me. In terms of Attorney General endorsements they don’t get much bigger than Janet Reno’s. The former US Attorney General gave her blessing to Florida Attorney General hopeful Dan Gelber today. “Dan has the gumption and spirit…

RPOF Chair: Pelosi Will Force You to Get an Abortion

I think everyone can agree we need to reform health care in this country one way or another (if you don’t, you’re either greedy or not paying attention), and since the Democrats are currently in control, they’re the ones taking a shot at it. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and…