Tropical Storm Chantal Might Reach Florida Monday

You might want to think twice before forcing your local bank teller to cash last week’s paycheck in all singles to hoard in your emergency bunker. Forecasters are still unsure if Tropical Storm Chantal will make it to Florida. If it does arrive, tentatively expect to have your Hypnotiq-fueled hurricane…

Happy Hurricane Season! Florida Might Get Hit By a Named Storm This Week

It’s the first Monday of hurricane season, which means all across the Sunshine State thousands are heading into work with the vague feeling they’ve forgotten something important (PSSST! Hurricane supplies, people. Specifically: vodka and board games.). Well, here’s a kick in the ass to get that kit together: Storms brewing…

Fisherman Hooks Great White Shark in Gulf of Mexico

It’s relatively rare to spot a great white shark in the relatively warm waters of Florida. It’s even rarer to find an 18-foot specimen lurking in the Gulf of Mexico, but a Canadian tourist got the fishing trip of a lifetime when he hooked such a beast during a chartered…

Giant Ferocious Mosquitoes Could Invade Florida This Summer

If regular mosquitoes are like chihuahuas, small ankle-biting little buggers, then gallinippers would be pit bulls. They’re twenty times the size of a regular mosquito, and have mouthparts so strong they can pierce through clothing. Their eggs can lie dormant for years, but scientists warn that weather conditions over the…

Python Hunters Wear Snake Piss-Like Cologne, Apparently

Surely you’ve heard of Florida’s ongoing snake hunting challenge, but have you ever thought about the types of people that actually are out there participating? Much like the beasts they’re hunting, they appear to be a strange breed.For instance, apparently they wear the stench of snake urine-like a cologne…

70-Year-Old Senator Bill Nelson Will Now Try to Kill Pythons Himself

Always careful to take up practical, non-partisan causes instead of throwing partisan bombs, Sen. Bill Nelson has made Florida’s invasive python problem one of his key issues. So now the man we’ve dubbed Senator Spacesnakes is actually taking on the problem directly. He’s joining Florida’s controversial python hunting challenge, and…

There Was So Much Death at Zoo Miami on Monday

The animals at Zoo Miami were reminded of their own mortality in a big way on Monday; once again warned that every second that ticks by is a second closer to their own unavoidable death.Reminded that one day they too will end up like Mohan the rhino and Tevy the…

The Winner of Global Warming: Manatees!

Yesterday it was confirmed that 2012 was indeed the hottest year on record in the Lower 48, and yes maybe global warming may mean doom and gloom for the future of humanity.But don’t worry. There’s a cute side to the story. Thanks to a warmer winter, fewer manatees died in…

Hurricane Sandy, The Day After: Escape From (Southern) New York

Although Hurricane Sandy did not, as some meteorologists and media folks predicted, cause the earth to split asunder and drown us all in magma, it did put a pretty big hurt on New York City and the rest of the Northeast. In Gotham, the toll was massive: Flooding all over lower…

Hurricane Sandy: A Message to the Northeast from Miami

Oh hey Northeast, how you doing? Oh, you’re about to get a hurricane. It’s a Category One. We totally didn’t even hear about it. Oh, wait, that’s all we’re hearing about right now.Listen, we’re kind of jealous. A hurricane comes towards Florida and it gets maybe a 30 second mention…