This afternoon, local attorney Jeffrey Herman held a press conference to announce yet another lawsuit against the Archdiocese of Miami. According to the suit, Father Neil Doherty — now in prison — drugged, molested, and raped then 15-year-old Miami resident Dennis Montero.Before the press conference, however, the Archdiocese sent reporters…
Not a news story goes by without the Taiwanese-based Next Media Animation turning it into some low budget Pixar-lite masterpiece, and the recent Miami Marlins controversy is no exception. If, for whatever reason, you’re not sure what’s going on, this clip will explain it to you perfectly in a way…
President Obama has come out strong in favor of raising taxes on the wealthiest Americans, but Marco Rubio thinks that’s a fool’s errand. In Rubio’s mind, the rich just have too much money to waste on things that will get them out of paying taxes anyway…
After 28-year-old Melbourne, Florida resident Christopher Castillo made a Facebook update informing his friend that he was going to “hunt down” and kill President Obama, a friend informed him the threat could be considered a federal offense. “I wouldn’t call it a threat but more of a promise, let them…
Danielle Reed, a 23-year-old high school English teacher up in Jacksonville, carried on a month-long affair with one of her students. Reed even managed to trick the student’s mother into letting him sleep over at her place. How’d she do it? By making up a fake student, and pretending to…
After a 37-3 drubbing at the hands of a lackluster Tennessee Titans team, your Miami Dolphins try to turn things around quickly during a shortened week and salvage what once seemed like a promising, surprising season that had Dolphins fans everywhere singing hymns, hugging one another and seeing TRIPLE rainbows…
Attention, computer-buying public of Florida: If a man approaches you in the parking lot of a Best Buy with a convoluted tale about needing money to get home and a strangely discounted iPad for sale, it’s almost certainly too good to be true.A woman in Daytona Beach learned this the…
OK, it’s been established the Heat are crappy on the West Coast during the regular season. We get it.The Miami Heat fell 107-100 to the Los Angeles Clippers last night on a night where Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were nowhere to be found and very little fucks were to…
It’s a common scene in prison movies set in the deep South: A line of inmates, chained together and decked out in bright orange jumpsuits, dutifully picking up trash or digging a ditch by the side of a dusty road as a shotgun-toting sheriff watches over them through tinted aviator…
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Jeffrey Loria hasn’t opened his mouth much after he turned the Miami Marlins into a Triple-A team last night, and when he has, it’s like an entire bag of dicks fell out. He’s stubbornly refusing to explain what the hell is actually going on with the Marlins, and just telling…
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There are few descriptors more woebegone than “44-year-old Sarasota grandma,” and yet this tale is sadder than that even suggests.Michelle Sears, the 44-year-old Sarasota grandmother in question, was stopped on Monday by a local sheriff’s deputy for driving with a suspended license. Sears’ six-year-old granddaugther was in the the passenger’s…
The growing scandal involving the affairs of Gen. David Patraeus and Gen. John Allen looked for a minute like it was about to include, at least peripherally, former Gov. Charlie Crist as well. Yesterday, English paper The Daily Telegraph reported that Natalie Khawam, the twin sister of Jill Kelley, used…
Victoria Jackson is continuing her post-election meltdown. After declaring “America died” on election night, Miami’s own SNL start turned Tea Party queen, is now trafficking in conspiracy theories that Barack Obama didn’t actually win the election, and is now a big supporter of the burgeoning secession movement…
Jeffrey Loria is a liar. This is well documented. After years of claiming poverty while begging for ballpark handouts, leaked documents showed that, nope, the Marlins were actually one of baseball’s most profitable franchises.So why in the name of Conine did anyone believe Loria when he said the new Marlins…
A tanning salon owner in Key West who increasingly blamed his personal struggles on President Obama warned his partner that “I’m not going to be around long” if the president won reelection last week.Two days after the president’s victory over Mitt Romney, Keys police found Henry Hamilton dead of a…
Ever since Election Day, the New Times office has descended into tribal taunts as each employee has tried to claim that his or her ‘hood was the nail in Mitt Romney’s coffin or the only thing keeping Democrats from ransacking the House of Representatives.To settle the issue, we’ve prepared a…
One year after the taxpayers of Miami-Dade gave Jeffrey Loria a brand new, $515 million ballpark, he’s already given up even pretending to field a major league baseball team. In one of the largest salary dumps in the history of baseball, the Marlins are reportedly shipping basically every player on…
