Jimmy Kimmel’s “Lie Witness News” travels the nation, asking bullshit questions to our least knowledgeable residents so we can all point and laugh at them. Last night, the crew came to Miami to ask Heat fans about topics like backup point guard MuShu Pork, three-point shooter Lando Calrissian, and of…
The good news is the Miami Heat took advantage of a little known NBA rule that states you can only lose once a night. The bad news is we have to play with footballs the rest of the series because the San Antonio Spurs shoved all the basketballs up the…
As part of Florida’s efforts to crack down on pill mills, the state initiated an online database in 2009 that tracked the store prescribing and dispensing data for controlled substances. Well, according to the ACLU, the private medical data of more than 3,000 Floridians has now leaked from that database…
Fourteen-year-old Chris Martin is probably cooler than you. He wears anarchy symbol shirts to school (because fuck the crumbling system, right?). He doesn’t label his sexuality (because labels are limiting anyway). And he wears makeup to school (because gender roles are outdated and oppressive social constructs). His middle school principal…
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Sen. Marco Rubio, the son of pre-Castro Cuban immigrants, has added a new amendment to his immigration bill that strengthens requirements that immigrants be proficient in English before being granted permanent residential status, also known as a green card. “On the day we announced the principles that would shape the…
The retiree is the unofficial mascot of the Sunshine State, and apparently people 65 and older are doing pretty well for themselves when it comes to money. A study compared the median income of those 65 and older with the pre-retirement 45-64 age group. Nationally, retirees make just 57 percent…
Who is the best politician in Miami? What about the best Marlins, Dolphins, and Panthers players? Or the best people-watching in town, the finest parking in Miami Beach, the greatest picnic spot and kayak trip? Wonder no more. Miami New Times’ Best of Miami 2013 issue is live on the…
With George Zimmerman’s trial starting in Central Florida this week for the murder of Miami-area teen Trayvon Martin, the controversial case has rocketed back to the headlines. Fox News, however, appears to have taken a novel approach to its coverage of the tragedy, and recently invited a guest on who…
In 2011, he brought the Sexy Sax Man to a city commission meeting, pot decriminalization to the debate, and a surprising 23 percent of voters to the polls. Steve Berke, a comedian and YouTube marijuana advocate, came in second to incumbent Matti Herrera Bower in that campaign. Now, with Bower…
This is a story about tossing salad in prison. If you’ve seen Chris Rock’s Bring the Pain stand-up special, you might have an idea of where this story is going. But, no, it’s not actually going there. This tale actually involves lettuce…
Today’s photo comes from Yali Carames Photography’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here, join our Flickr group…
He’s been dubbed “Florida’s dirtiest cop,” and he finally found himself on the other side of the law this weekend after he was arrested for an incident two years ago during which he allegedly kidnapped a man who was trying to file a complaint against him…
It was a slap on the ass that ultimately cost former NFL player Chad Johnson 30 days of freedom. Johnson was in Broward County court this morning on charges that he violated his probation. A plea deal was reached that would have kept Johnson out of jail, but when the…
Deer, what are you doing with that Doritos bag on your head? You’re a deer. You’re not supposed to eat Doritos. Silly deer, get it together. Slightly humorous situation aside, this is why, after you’ve polished off an entire bag of greasy corn chips, you should take the extra 30…
Around 3 o’clock this morning, a group of friends went for a dip in the ocean off First Street on South Beach, but one member of the group didn’t make it back to shore. He wasn’t seen again until his body washed ashore a few blocks up the beach this…
A day after the funeral of Anthony Jerome Lee, better known to South Beach’s club scene as the lively drag diva Wanda, police in Tampa confirmed they have made an arrest in her startling murder. According to the Tampa Bay Times, local police have apprehended Deandre Tolliver, 23, of Lakeland,…
Sixteen months ago, a Miami teenager carrying a cell phone, a pack of Skittles, and a soft drink was shot to death in his father’s Central Florida town by a self-appointed neighborhood watchman. The case soon erupted into a referral on race — because the victim, Trayvon Martin, was black…
Tiago Splitter rose up full-throttle, mean-mugged and toting bad intentions and a handful of basketball, and just then, LeBron James screamed, “You DO NOT collect $200, and you DO NOT PASS TIA-GO!” The play was key in a 30-5 run that made you slap yo mama and helped the Miami…
Rick Scott is personally reaching out to businesses in other states to try and get them to relocate to Florida. Which, OK, sure, we’re all for, but because Scott is apparently and almost comically incapable of doing anything without controversy, it seems he’s only trying to poach companies from states…
Last month, a particularly valuable piece of cargo flew into Miami International Airport from Ecuador: $625,000 worth of gold bars. Then they went missing. Today police arrested two men, a cargo handler and a pawn shop owner, who they believe to be behind the heist…
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