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Dentist From Hell Accused of Terrifying Children

By Kyle SwensonNovember 21, 2013

On August 9, 2011, Benjamin and Madeline Rodriguez sat in the waiting room of a West Palm Beach dental office. The couple’s 5-year-old daughter, Briana, was inside for a cleaning. When the little girl appeared, her eyes were streaming tears. Blood ringed her lips. Instead of a simple brushing, three…

Notorious Hand Surgeon Michael Brown Commits Suicide

By Terrence McCoyNovember 21, 2013

Late last month, Miami Beach Police swept into an $8.3 million mansion perched on the bay. As they climbed a marble staircase looking for the master bedroom, the house seemed empty. But inside a cavernous closet, they found nearly $17,000 in cash next to the bearded and sallow body of…

Orlando Soccer Fans Boo Rick Scott Off Stage

By Kyle MunzenriederNovember 20, 2013

Well, the possibility of a rival team in Miami wasn’t the only thing that had soccer fans in Orlando booing last night. Rick Scott showed up to the announcement of the new Orlando MLS team and was promptly booed off stage…

Dwyane Wade’s Sitcom Needs a Less Porny Sounding Name

By Kyle MunzenriederNovember 20, 2013

Cultist pointed out that Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade has sold a sitcom to Fox based on his memoirs of fatherhood. It’s a simple family show slated to be titled Three The Hard Way — which if you aren’t aware, is not only the name of a seminal ’70s blaxplotation…

MLS Prez Confirms a Team Is Probably Coming to Miami

By Kyle MunzenriederNovember 20, 2013

Yesterday, at a rally officially announcing that a Major League Soccer team is coming to Orlando, league Commissioner Don Garber had a bit of bad news for the assembled Orlando fans. “This is the beginning for us in Florida,” Garber told the crowd last night. “We hope to have a…

Heat Beat Hawks 104-88: “Where LeBron Eyebrows At?”

By Ryan YousefiNovember 20, 2013

Back in action Tuesday night, the Heat took on the Atlanta Hawks, a rebuilt team, and by rebuilt, I mean I just watched them play for 48 minutes and I’m still not entirely sure who plays for them. Oh, and the Heat won 104-88, minus a resting Dwyane Wade. After…

Miami Beach Cop Blames “Sexual Aid Cream” for Firing

By Terrence McCoyNovember 20, 2013

Miami Beach cop Reinaldo Casas really wants his job back. He wants it back so badly he’s willing to admit he was once an aficionado of the most embarrassing product ever. Sexual aid cream. On February 27, the Miami Beach Police Department fired Casas — who’s been reprimanded for making…

$500,000 Worth of Red Bull Stolen From Miami-Dade Warehouse

By Kyle MunzenriederNovember 19, 2013

How much Red Bull would one need to drink to successfully pull of a heist off half-a-million dollars worth of Red Bull energy? That’s what Medley police are asking after they discovered that about 100 pallets of the wing-giving energy drink were stolen from a warehouse over the Veterans Day…