The Florida Keys, haunted dots of green floating in the Atlantic, have long attracted despondent souls plotting violent escapes from reality. In 2011, a prominent and sadistic Wisconsin surgeon named Glen Tucker shot to death his wife, Joan, before turning the gun on himself. His death, as we reported last…
The Dolphins went into Dirty Jersey yesterday and beat the living bananas out of a very bad but extremely pleasant to watch Jets team. The Dolphins cruised to a 23-3 victory and kept alive their slim hopes of sneaking into the sixth playoff spot. Losses by Pittsburgh, San Diego, and…
The Miami Heat held a team meeting prior to Sunday’s sleepy late-afternoon tip with the Charlotte Bobcatzzz, collecting all they gave a crap about into one tiny basket. It was the kind of basket you might buy strawberries in. Spoelstra went down the line, and one by one the players…
We’re going to pass on the opportunity to make a joke about someone named from Fat Joe being released early from jail right on time for Thanksgiving. Or at least we’re really going to try. Yes, Joseph Cartagena, AKA Fat Joe, was released Wednesday, just in time for the holidays,…
Apparently the Minnesota Timberwolves aren’t too proud to admit that Miami Heat players are just more exciting than theirs. The Heat are scheduled to visit the Target Center in Minneapolis on Saturday, December 7, and the Timberwolves are selling a tickets in the hopes that fans will get to high-five…
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While you may have spent Wednesday preparing for Thanksgiving, Jeb Bush was busy on Twitter spreading controversy-stirring conspiracy theories about President Obama on Twitter. Unfortunately these stubborn little things called facts got in the way of his criticism…
Riptide isn’t in the habit of giving away robbery tips, but it’s pretty obvious that once you pull off your heist and get your cash you need to run like hell. Well, a quick-thinking gas station store clerk foiled a robbery attempt by suggesting that they also load up on…
Well, we all know that David Beckham is working to make the dream of bringing a Major League Soccer team to Miami a reality, and we all know that he has a December 31 deadline to do so. Now Beckham has officially confirmed that he hopes to make an announcement…
Well, it’s Jets Week around these parts and that means you can pretty much throw Incognito, Martin, our terrible offensive line, the (hopefully) looking unemployment of the entire front office and coaching staff and everything else out the window. It’s Jets Week, which means the only thing we can focus…
This is going to sound weird, but South Beach, I love you. I arrived to your sandy shores three and a half years ago: a moon-eyed Midwesterner with a century’s supply of sunscreen, regular sleep patterns, and a steady girlfriend. Now I’m a single, sun-scorched insomniac — and I couldn’t…
LeBron made his first trip back to Cleveland this season, and the Miami Heat took care of businesses on Thanksgiving Eve, 95-84 over the Cleveland Cavs. LeBron gobble, gobbled, up the Cleveland defense, finishing with 28 points, eight rebounds, and eight assists. Dwyane Wade had 22, but didn’t record a…
Most people at raves are just looking to party. But one woman is on a mission to spread higher consciousness through beauty, beads, and bass: Miami’s colorful, creative Lady Casa. Outside the costume, she’s an entertainer for the Opium Group, but once she dons her brilliant headdresses and miles of…
At 10 years old, when most boys his age were obsessed with He-Man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Kareem Tabsch couldn’t get enough of PBS. “I was that odd kid who started watching things for a much, much older audience than I was,” Tabsch laughs. “My parents were like, ‘That’s…
Ask Marleine Bastien what sparked her life’s trajectory, an arc that’s encompassed appearances on Oprah and CNN and the designation as Ms. Magazine’s 2001 “Woman of the Year,” and she’ll tell you to rewind the clock nearly 40 years. She’ll ask you to blot out the chaos of Miami and…
On a bright May morning in 2011, coach Al Golden, sporting an orange Miami Hurricanes polo, gripped a Panama hat in his right hand and stomped across the field to address his team for the first time. “You’re on a field of champions,” boomed Golden, cherubic features tightening. “And we’re…
In the age of information, when everything moves at the speed of smartphones — it takes skill to sit still. Miami’s Daniela Viotti is the master of not moving. A living statue, artist, sculptor, costume designer, and Lincoln Road icon, this singular entrepreneur has created an artistic niche all her…
Gio Profera catches the left boob on its second bounce and pops it back into his spandex tube top without missing a step. It’s orange and semi-opaque and at least an inch thick. Thankfully, for him, it’s nearly impossible to pop. Apart from being a commensurate pro, Gio is sometimes…
Billy Corben is disappointed he has been selected for the New Times People issue instead of the food issue. Fortunately, aside from being a person, Corben is also a sandwich. Whereas Corben the person is Miami’s leading documentary filmmaker, Corben the sandwich is twin slabs of brisket on Portuguese muffins…
While most of her friends were still trying to master the different animal sounds in “Old MacDonald Had a Farm,” Brianna Perry was standing on her tippy toes in a recording booth at Miami’s famous Poe Boy Music Studio, doing what she does best: entertaining. “I would rap about my…
It’s not easy being insulted on-air by one of the internet’s most infamous a-holes. But when Mary Anne Franks found herself the target of a vicious f-bomb-filled tirade by Vice magazine founder Gavin McInnes earlier this year, she responded with grace and genius. “Why is Gavin so scared?” she coolly…
“Miami at night,” Otto von Schirach describes laughing, “going home at 4 in the morning. There’s the crackhead in your door trying to sell you an avocado.” This is the Little Havana-bred musician’s answer when asked about the inspiration for his homemade beats. At 12 years old, von Schirach started…
