State Senator Wants Harsher Punishment for Undocumented Immigrants Who Commit Crimes

Florida state Sen. Travis Hutson, a Republican representing St. Johns, Flagler, and parts of Volusia Counties, wants to set up two entirely different punishments for people accused of identical crimes. The difference? Whether you’re a U.S. citizen or not when you are arrested. Under Huston’s proposal, anyone committing simple battery or assault in Florida as a U.S. citizen would be charged with a misdemeanor. Commit that identical crime as an undocumented immigrant, and Hutson’s bill would make that crime a felony.

The Five Worst Miami Politicians of 2016

Some Miami politicians sucked this year because they were incompetent. A whole lot of people thought longtime Miami businessman Jeb Bush, history’s least exciting royal prince, would be in line to lead the free world by this time in 2016. Instead, he blew his shot big-time, squandered hundreds of millions of dollars, and cemented his place in history books as one of the clearest cases of white-bread upper-crust mediocrity in American history. Let’s hope some rich jokester capitalist gifted Bush a coal mine this Christmas.

Miami-Based Royal Caribbean to Add Lifeguards on Cruises

After a series of high-profile drownings aboard its cruise ships, Royal Caribbean has begun quietly advertising positions for lifeguards. The cruise line — which is headquartered in Miami, and the county’s eighth-largest private employer — posted the job description on an onboard TV channel Wednesday.

Miami-Dade Transit Wants You to Tweet Good Ideas at It

Most people who regularly ride Metrobus are accustomed to launching horrid invectives at Miami-Dade Transit on a daily basis. Most of the tweets tend to hit some of Metrobus’ greatest hits, including questions such as “Where did my bus go?” “What’s the point in taking the bus if it’s going to sit in standstill traffic?” and “No, seriously, did the bus I take regularly to work cross the wrong river and accidentally get trapped in the haunted bathhouse world from Spirited Away?”

Miami-Dade Might Allow Alcohol Ads on Public Transit in Exchange for Free Wi-Fi

It’s no secret Miami likes to throw one back. South Beach is practically synonymous with $30 fishbowl cocktails. There are entire companies that will deliver liquor right to your doorstep. Last year, Match.com called Miami the seventh booziest city for singles. Now the county is taking advantage: To get free Wi-Fi on public transit, the commission might waive a rule that prohibits alcohol advertisements at bus stops and on trains.

South Florida Senator Wants to Ban Fracking Across Florida

Mere months ago, environmentalists were concerned that the Florida Legislature was about to take the power to regulate fracking away from local communities and instead force the controversial oil-drilling process onto the state. But after months of protests, state Sen. Garrett Richter’s proposal to outlaw local fracking bans never came to fruition; instead, areas such as Broward and Miami-Dade Counties were inspired to ban fracking themselves in retaliation.

Massive 28-Story Apartment Complex Proposed in Little Haiti UPDATED

Land developers are all but salivating to sink their teeth into the rich, fatty, unblemished flesh that is Little Haiti real estate. The Wynwood gentrification fight is over — the only people who can afford land there now are the sort who maintain Cayman Islands bank accounts, and scores of tall luxury apartments are headed to that neighborhood.

State Bill Would Make It Easier to Claim “Stand Your Ground”

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law has led to a massive, demonstrable increase in statewide homicides since 2005. JAMA’s November study framed the law as a clear threat to public health: Homicides were actually decreasing, on average, until the law — which lets Floridians kill in self-defense even if they themselves started the fight — took effect.

Miami Police Union Chief Javier Ortiz Reprimanded for Doxxing Private Citizen

This past January, Claudia Castillo pulled over a speeding Miami-Dade cop in a video that went viral. The Miami Police’s union chief, Lt. Javier Ortiz, responded by posting Castillo’s Facebook photos and phone number and urging his social media followers to call her. Castillo received hundreds of threatening phone calls and Facebook messages, and Facebook itself removed the posts for being abusive.

Miami Mayor’s Chief Strategist Proposes Insane, Unconstitutional “Civility Court”

Bad ideas have had free rein in 2016. From a Muslim registry to a taxpayer-funded Pitbull music video, there’s a lot for America to be embarrassed about in the past 12 months. But the year isn’t over yet, and neither are the awful ideas. This past Sunday, the Miami Herald published a skepticism-free story proposing something called a “civility court,” in which regular people could be forced to answer for their “bad,” but not criminal, behavior in front of a judge.

Uber Driver Shoots and Kills Armed Robber in Aventura

In Florida, the Gunshine State, it’s not a terrible idea to assume just about everyone is armed and ready to fire. In the past month, at least three residents around Miami have fatally shot would-be home intruders. Now an Uber driver has joined the Stand Your Ground…

Dear Rick Ross: Your Facebook Page Is Out of Control

Miami’s Rick Ross is a rapper of varied, expensive interests. Rosé wine. Tilapia. Hustling. Doubler-decker yachts. Lavender shoes. Crab legs with heavy butter. Bad butt implant surgery. The sexual habits of conjoined twins. Sadomasochist porn featuring Disney princesses. Cases of booty-licking gone wrong.

The Five Craziest Miami Crime Stories of 2016

If 12 months pass, and a food establishment in Miami isn’t busted training errant opossums to deal cocaine out of its rear entrance, did the Earth really orbit around the sun at all? Try as Miami might — and oh, how its cops have tried and tried — South Florida’s…

South Beach Lawyer Arrested for Blackmailing Porn Viewers

You know that episode of Black Mirror where an unsuspecting teen is filmed watching porn through a hacked webcam, and then blackmailed into (spoiler) robbing a bank and murdering somebody, just so the hacker wouldn’t leak his information to his family? Turns out that sci-fi episode’s plotline is heavy on the…