Katherine Fernandez Rundle, Miami’s lead prosecutor, waited until late Friday afternoon to announce she wouldn’t charge four state prison guards who threw a black inmate with schizophrenia into a scalding-hot, 180-degree shower and left him there until he died. In media circles, the move is known as a “Friday news dump,” meant to bury unsavory news over the weekend.
Has Miami Beach been enjoying its annual spring-break revelry a little too hard? Or did someone just dump a vat of high-grade LSD into the local water supply? The answer is unclear. Last week, people were twerking on car rooftops on highways and rubbing their butts on police vehicles.
Miami Heat fans were devastated when Dwyane Wade left for Chicago, but after the Heat’s miraculous turnaround season, would they even take him back in 2018?
On June 23, 2012, Darren Rainey, a schizophrenic man serving time for cocaine possession, was thrown into a prison shower at the Dade Correctional Institution. The water was turned up to 180 degrees — hot enough to steep tea or cook ramen noodles.
Greater downtown Miami — which encompasses the city’s classic downtown area plus Wynwood, Overtown, Brickell, Edgewater, and the Design District — houses South Florida’s largest collection of young, hip urbanites. The area is all but engineered for people under 35: It’s crammed with artisan-cocktail bars, a never-ending supply of street art, and nightclubs where Diplo spontaneously appears. Without young people, Miami’s downtown would be a drab concrete dystopia.
While you’ve been sitting at your stupid desk all week, thousands of sunburned Midwesterners have been bonging beer and Instagramming selfies at the beach for spring break. It’s unfair, but you can’t blame them for taking advantage of the weeklong rite of passage while they’re young and their livers are still somewhat virginal.
At least eight police officers, their guns drawn, moved in on a white Range Rover. Nine patrol cars blocked the road at the corner of Fourth Street and Alton Road in Miami Beach. Another cop restrained a police dog. The driver — a black man — had been handcuffed after getting out of the vehicle with his arms over his head, and a woman in the front seat had exited peacefully.
Maurice Ferré served as the mayor of Miami from 1973 to 1985. During that time, his administration noticed that the Brickell Bridge, which spans the Miami River downtown, had been mucking up traffic on Biscayne Boulevard. The structure is a drawbridge, and every time a boat passed into the bay, traffic on both sides of U.S. 1 ground to a halt. So Ferré’s administration proposed digging a tunnel under the river.
Sea-level rise has become such a problem in Miami-Dade that even Republican leaders admit the issue is real. “It’s not a theory,” county Mayor Carlos Gimenez said of global warming in January. “It’s a fact. We live it every day.” For once, we wish Gimenez had spent more time hanging out with his old golf buddy Donald Trump.
When a congressional issue unites the following list of subhuman rat-people, you know it’s going to be something awful. One bill this year has brought together U.S. Sens. Tom Cotton (the dude who hates Iran), Jim Inhofe (the idiot who took a snowball inside the Capitol to disprove global warming), Rand Paul, Orrin Hatch, Mitch McConnell, the Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz, and Miami’s own Marco Rubio.
It’s Sunshine Week, a nationwide initiative to promote transparency in government, so what better time to run through five bills that could chip away most at Florida’s open-records law?
Eleven times in one year, Miami Police received calls for help at a tree-lined, three-bedroom house in Miami’s Coconut Grove neighborhood. Some came from tenants in distress inside the home. Others were placed by neighbors concerned about loud arguing. All reflect back on White House chief strategist Steve Bannon, who rented the house for his most recent ex-wife in 2015 and 2016.
Roger Stone says his life is in grave danger. The maverick onetime adviser to Donald Trump and proud practitioner of political rat-fucking claimed in January that someone had tried to poison him with polonium — coincidentally or not, generating international headlines just as he released a book about Trump’s campaign.
Miami State Sen. Frank Artiles is swimming in some boiling-hot water after accepting nearly $2,000 in gifts from Florida Power & Light before rapidly advancing pro-FPL bills in his committee. But don’t criticize Artiles online — he’ll probably just block you.
Miami Heat fans love Dion Waiters. One could say Heat fans have fallen in love with him. These are the seven reasons why.
Donald Shockey believes that everyone deserves to live in a clean neighborhood. When he lived in Miami Shores from 2001 to 2014, he didn’t have much of an issue because, he says, that city’s code-enforcement division was well funded and did a good job of making residents clean up their trash. But when Shockey moved into a home on NW 41st Street in the City of Miami in 2014, he says, found a neighborhood in disarray.
The City of Miami’s police union is run by a person who once called a dead 12-year-old a “thug,” has publicly called Islam a “religion that enslaves and allows the beating of women,” has been sued multiple times for alleged cases of police misconduct, and habitually posts on social media about how undocumented immigrants bring crime to American cities. Now Javier Ortiz has been reprimanded again for posting a private woman’s personal cell phone number on the internet and encouraging people to call her and yell at her — all because she caught a county cop speeding.
Yesterday the gods of spring break and social media gifted us with a video of a woman twerking atop a Miami Beach Police ATV for a few short but magical seconds. Today they’ve smiled upon us once more.
Marco Rubio has been as silent as a Trappist monk lately. He’s refused to hold town-hall meetings, declined to criticize Donald Trump’s Muslim ban, and wouldn’t even join the Republicans calling for Jeff Sessions’ recusal from a Russia probe over his lies about meeting Moscow’s ambassador.
There’s no good reason to get into a fight at Miami’s annual Calle Ocho Festival. Everyone’s happy, the food is delicious, and you could even watch a dude wolf down 158 croquetas at this year’s “El Croquetazo” eating contest. So huge congrats to these morons, who took a good thing…
Miami is a city where “twerking etiquette” is a legitimate cultural and political concern. Skin is acceptable everywhere in Miami Beach, from strip clubs to retirement homes to military-weapons conventions. And most of the time, that cultural body acceptance is great.
Since Donald Trump’s election, minority groups have been under attack by hateful speech and unrelenting harassment. Jewish community centers across the nation have been the victims of bomb threats, and anti-Muslim groups have tripled. In Miami, a homeowner in Kendall lynched a dark-skinned dummy as a “Halloween decoration” and a…
